Mach, thanks for asking that question. It's not what I want. Nor do I think is best for our situation. I think it's best for me though. I have a hard time taking the emotions out of it and wanting to try and get us to MC. She says so many things and seems to be getting closer to that possibly, but actions like going to beach with OM's friend speak volumes otherwise. She states that she knows our marriage will work if we both want it to. So she's is worried bout trying to go to MC because she knows if we go it will work. I disagree and tell her that I think we need to try before we know it would work. I feel as what is the case is that she wants to see if there is any hope with OM and if there isn't then she will work on us. That's where I begin to get frustrated and feel like I need to cut off contact
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
The good thing is SHE has stated that when we go that mean la she wants to work on it and she knows that she has to cut off all contact with OM. Until then I think I need to cut off all communication except for what has to be said for my own good and where I feel I am at this point. It's definitely for me, not to punish her
Did you come and say to her that you would take her back? that you forgave her for being with the OM?? I am just curious because our timelines are very similar.. and of course my W has OM in her life.. but they don't live together or anything like that.
She knows that I am still willing to try to work on marriage. I told her I don't know if it can work. But I still am willing to give it a shot
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
what re-action did you get when you told her that? is she still with the other man? I thought it was taboo to bring up any sort of relationship talk? I have been trying to keep any talks very light... but I am afraid I am falling into the friend zone.. I try to have very little contact because the OM is still around..but she has told me several times she is unhappy.. feels lost.. half whole.. scared and alone.. ... so things can not be very good..... did your W ever tell you any of these things?
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
She says she has those feelings constantly!! Last time she told me that I told her its not place to have these discussions with you while you are with someone else. She was the one who brought working on things Monday. I have not brought that up myself in over a month. If she brings up MC talk I will discuss. But it has gone nowhere so I am changing courses
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So obviously when she says these things to you.... you get extremely frustrated.. that's why you are considering backing off again? going back to no contact? are you afraid you may lose what trust you have built up with her? I know your not doing it to punish her... that it's for you... just hate to throw away any progress you have made with her. But I do agree.. she is still very early in this.. like my W... if she is in a MLC then it's almost way to early for her to becoming out of it .. protecting yourself is still the key here.. and if your not detached enough then maybe try going dimmer... but not not dark...
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
I need some advice! Mach, Urworthy, Accuray, or anyone else who knows my sitch lately. W sent me following texts tonight:
W: There is a big deal horse show with a grand prix tomorrow
Me: ok?
W: I thought since that's kinda close to y'all you and son might like to go
W: Meet me there
Me: When is this show?
W: Tomorrow
Me: What time?
W: Gate opens at 4
Me: K. should you be out so soon?
W: ok. it was just an idea W: out like sleep?
Me: Being out so soon. Like being going somewhere the next day after surgery
W: oh, just cant drive W: And I have a ride W: but if im not feeling great I wont go
Me: K. Lets chat tomorrow
W: Night. Just thought it might be fun for you to see how much son likes these things and I can explain whats going on so you can get it
Obviously, I have been talking about detaching more and distancing myself and then she hits me with this. Thing is, this would be a 180 since I didn't show interest in her horse world and have done so over last five months. Just not sure which way to go here. I do think I will be fine because we don't get into any relationship talk when son is around. But this is the opposite of distancing. The fact that she is inviting me to one of these is very interesting. Having said that, she had breast surgery today and im sure has been on some drugs. LOL But wise man did tell me to pay attention the next couple days while she is on these pain medications because it might knock her guard down and give you a sense of her real emotions I am confused lets say that
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I need some advice! Mach, Urworthy, Accuray, or anyone else who knows my sitch lately. W sent me following texts tonight:
W: There is a big deal horse show with a grand prix tomorrow
Me: ok?
W: I thought since that's kinda close to y'all you and son might like to go
W: Meet me there
Me: When is this show?
W: Tomorrow
Me: What time?
W: Gate opens at 4
Me: K. should you be out so soon?
C, she almost orders you to go and you say K? LOL! How about something like, had something I was thinking about doing, let me think about it and get back to you? But you agreed to go, so I think you should.
You see how this question ^^^^^
W: ok. it was just an idea
Got you this? Not your business if she should be out or not. She's a big girl, right? W: out like sleep?
Me: Being out so soon. Like being going somewhere the next day after surgery
W: oh, just cant drive W: And I have a ride W: but if im not feeling great I wont go
Me: K. Lets chat tomorrow
W: Night. Just thought it might be fun for you to see how much son likes these things and I can explain whats going on so you can get it.
What exactly does she want you to get?
Obviously, I have been talking about detaching more and distancing myself and then she hits me with this. Thing is, this would be a 180 since I didn't show interest in her horse world and have done so over last five months. Just not sure which way to go here. I do think I will be fine because we don't get into any relationship talk when son is around. But this is the opposite of distancing. The fact that she is inviting me to one of these is very interesting. Having said that, she had breast surgery today and im sure has been on some drugs. LOL But wise man did tell me to pay attention the next couple days while she is on these pain medications because it might knock her guard down and give you a sense of her real emotions I am confused lets say that
I think you are reading too much into this and you are confused because you are having EXPECTATIONS, C. If you want to go, go. But like Acc says, this is your opportunity to show a different, C. Be positive, friendly, but.......you know the drill.
Leave right after.
C: Thanks for telling us about the show. Son loved it. Gotta get going. Have a great day.
Thanks urworthy, When I said K it was just sayin ok I got the info. I haven't agreed yet hence her very last message. There is a lot of lingo and complicated things at the shows that non horse show people don't unmderstand. I would at least like to know what shes talking about when she brings up these things. This is the first time ever she has wanted me to go
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
