Not much in the way of any updates...I have matched W and turned the dimmer switch down, as she seems to be gone within. I have enough practice with this that it doesn't bother me. I quit watching the pot, as Snodderly advised...
I started taking Mucuna Pruriens again, an herbal mood enhancer, AD sorta thing, seems to be working to take any edges off. What has really helped me, which I alluded to in a previous post, is my own change regarding the sitch....after BD#3, the email I sent her with my truth darts, etc...the change in me is that I used to "see" mostly the good things that I would miss if she left. I now "see" the things that would go away that I wouldn't miss, or will be just fine living without.
None of us is perfect, by any measure, but we do, in a relationship, "accept" things about the other, find a way to compromise, deal with it, let it go because there is enough reward, or good, to "compensate" us for the little annoyances (or big ones). I know W has her annoyances with me, and she has told them to me (finally!!), and I have been working on them if they are things I want to change, or don't compromise my "core self" if I change them for the benefit of the R. She is still working on her stuff. A lot of it, if she navigates through this, will benefit a renewed R with me, resolve quite a bit of my "annoyances" with her. Other things are just who she is, and a lot of them actually work for me, if I am honest with myself, even if a bit annoying...lol...
So I am just stepping back a bit again, let her drive, see where we go....80% or so of my life is lived as I would, whether she is staying, or going. I am being me, responsible, caring, the best rock I can be, lighthouse still functioning, and shining... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
