"I phrased it as a ? To avoid being accused of pressure or bullying. When I ask ?s though, then I am accused of manipulating. The gist of it is I have no say. He is with them. I don't approve. She knows that. Won't change."
Again, forget about what your W says right now. You just read up on being a good father if you don't have a role model and follow through.
"that will be hard, as I'm accused of it at every turn, every time we disagree."
Then tell her "no I am not manipulating or controlling you. I am stating my opinion. You have a right to your opinion as much as I do mine. There is no "right" or "wrong" answer and I respect your opinion. I ask that you respect mine."
" Its why she insists we cant talk now without C. Especially if shes seeming to see my point of view."
Forget about this for now and don't push C.
"Isn't that a definition of communication? To understand each others point of view..."
No. It is understanding that the other person HAS a point of view. You don't need to understand it. That's what validation is. Your W just wants to know that she is being heard.
Try this next time. When she brings something up, don't interrupt but just listen. When she's done, repeat what she says back to her "So you're saying that if we..." Then end it with "Is this correct?"
That starts the conversation and shows that you "heard" her. You can add in your own two cents, but that's all she wants to happen...is be heard.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
