tis the problem sage I have pondered all the differing scenarios and I am still at a loss.
example...
if I believe h that it was never a pa and it was, well then I'm believing a lie.
if I don't believe h in that it was never a pa and it wasn't well then I'm not being fair to h or myself.
I have pondered the what if h suddenly says it was a pa...of course I'd believe him but as you mention he could also then be lying just to stop me from wondering and allowing me to move on. If he suddenly changed his story and wasn't lying about it, sure it would hurt but it would also be a relief...I would no longer have to wonder about it...I would no longer have to deal with the conflicting thoughts/beliefs about it etc. AND I would feel more comfortable in the r because h being honest would imply his being comfortable and feeling safe enough in the r to do so.
what would I do different?
I'd be confident one way or the other...tough to defend h when it is "statistically proven" that it was infact a pa. There are of course many who also believe him or aren't sure what to believe just as there are those that don't believe him at all. of course I know what other think doesn't really matter. Most importantly I would feel closer to h if he felt close enough to me to be honest about it. Of course he could very well be being honest about it already and I'm just expecting him to be a dirty lying pig like the rest of the men in this world.
Is it changing how I live?
not entirely but as I said above it would be a relief to have proof one way or the other...kinda like waiting for test results ya know?
