Please read last three posts from me and let me know your thoughts. I didn't say anything last night, but I was pretty shell-shocked and wasn't my warm self when we went to bed either. I appreciate all of your perspectives, even if I appear to not listen I am learning from you.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
You've worn me out, CB. Talk to your W about tat-boy...
lol...
I am finding it quite amazing how quickly you can go from obsessing about tat-boy and then being "ok" with letting it go. I think that really, tat-boy is a deal breaker, for you.
What value will you get by asking your W about tat-boy, REGARDLESS of the answer you get?
What if the answer is, "Nothing is going on, some friend suggested I follow him on FB and he's interesting."?
What if the answer is, "I am just friends with him"?
What if the answer is, "ILYBINILWY and I found my soul mate in tat-boy"?
I'm guessing you have some plan on how to approach your W regarding this, if we were to "approve" your request to talk to W about it. How do you figure you would approach the topic with her?
Please think about what KD asked...really think about it...
Now, imo, W is in fantasy land from the books you described and her obsessive behavior regarding tat-boy...ask yourself, would he dump his wife and go for your W? I think you said he was younger, right?
Have you had any obsessions with someone relatively unobtainable? Some actress or musician?
I have...here's mine: -Trinity from the Matrix movies -Erin Sung from Farscape series -7 of 9 from Star Trek Next Gen -Jewel -Natasia Kinski -Lucy Lawless
etc...
So I had my "high interest" phases, but the "obsessions" went where? Eventually it fades, may just take a bit longer with someone "escaping" the parts of their lives they don't like, etc. Maybe takes longer for a mlc'er, but eventually the futility dawns upon people....try to let it be...think of it as a teenage daughter obsessed with Peter Frampton (from our day) or that Justin dude from current times...
And I can tell you from my sitch, they do fade, per my W.
My 2.5 cents... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
To answer your questions. Yes, having this going on, while we are going through therapy and being thrown in my face is a tough deal, if not a deal breaker. At least if we discussed it I would feel like we are following through with being honest with each other and really focusing in on moving forward. I have learned over the past couple months, as you all have as well, that my love for W means an ability to forgive in my heart the past things that once upon a time I didn't think I would. But having it continue while we are supposedly moving forward is really hurting me and I can tell, affecting how I am approaching her.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
To answer your second question, I believe I would get one of two answers:
1. This is no big deal, just an interesting guy on FB. 2. Yes, I am really feeling strongly about him. Not sure what I am going to do about it but I can't let it go.
I think #1 would be the case, but having naked pictures of him, calling him out by name on FB for the whole world to see (and they did, trust me), looking at pictures over and over while we are on dates and other times, going to the restaraunt he worked at as your one pick, etc. would seem to make that pretty hard to claim.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
I love you more than anything as you know. Part of what we have learned is that we need to be fully open and honest with each other and I don't think we are being that yet. I want you to know that you can tell me anything and I am going to listen and I am still with you, no matter what. But, I can't keep pretending I don't know about tat-boy. You want us to move our family to XYZ city, where he is, and I need you to help me understand what role he plays in this for you. You found him in February, what can you tell me? I think it is important for us to discuss this openly so we can continue to move forward with the progress on us.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
In a "normal" martial issue sitch, that would be fine...but we are dealing with MLC/WAS...she ain't going to hear all that most likely...
Even see the Gary Larson cartoon where the dog owner is scolding the dog, and the dog only hears "blah, blah, blah, GINGER!" "blah, blah, blah, Ginger!" ?
Write that speech down in your journal and save it for later, later when there is more movement after a lot more MC, it too early, my friend, too early... okay? T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T, I think there is minimal chance that he dumps his pregnant wife for my W. I think there is a high chance that my W continues to obsess and it keeps her from really moving forward with us. I also think it plants a fertile field for the next tat-boy who she might meet who doesn't have a wife and kids.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
T, I hear you, I really do. If I didn't I already would have said something weeks ago. Part of what I have been thinking is "I really am glad I didn't, as we are communicating and I have a cooler head now." If that is the case, what you are saying is that a few weeks from now will be even better. Plus, my MC is an amazingly talented guy and he said we need to address this, but he wanted me to wait as well. So I have stood by silently against every instinct I have.
Then again, those instincts got me here, so maybe I need to do a Costanza and do the opposite...
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
