LF, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Unfortunately your W is the absolute last person you should reach out to right now. You've got to resist the urge to do that, because the WAS will not be attracted back to a suffering LBS, they need to see an LBS that is happy, content and choosing to live life regardless of whether the WAS is part of it or not. That's the place you need to get to and until you can get there you've got to keep contact with W to a minimum.
Originally Posted By: lostforever
My stomach is so bad and upset just feel sick most the time.
Sorry if you've talked about this already as I'm not up on your sitch, but have you talked to a doctor about medication for your depression? If you're still in this place after 8+ months then med's may be what you need to help you cope. I took them during the darkest part of my sitch and feel like that's what pulled me out of the ditch. After the "old me" was back I was able to wean off of them.
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I guess my hope with it was I could try and force WAW to come talk to me about what she wants.
Do you mean you think by filing S papers it'll wake her up? If so then that's definitely a bad strategy. You can't push or force the WAS into the choice that YOU want. Whenever you push or force the WAS, they will choose against the M. Every time. DB'ing is all about removing all pressure. Filing for S or D is a huge form of applying pressure. You've got to give the WAS time and space to sort things out themselves on their own timeline. You can't speed it up.
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I know her mom has no idea that i have been there for step daughter. I wish some one would tell her this way she will see the the changes i have made are real.
She'll find out sooner or later. Don't assume she doesn't know, she probably does. That's not going to send her running back to you though, so if that's your expectation then you need to drop it. Just stick with it, consistent behavior + time = changes she'll believe in.
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Why does she still not want to talk to me and say she is still angry.
Because that's the way WAS's are. They don't see their LBS that way anymore (as someone to confide in). Maybe they will again some day, but it takes a long time to get there.
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but what about my feelings and what she is doing to me.
She doesn't want to think that she's hurting anyone through her actions, so she will do whatever she can to avoid hearing about your feelings. She doesn't want to be reminded. The more hurt you look/ act the less she'll want to be around you. That's one of the reasons DB'ing is all about PMA and showing the WAS a content, happy you. That's the best chance of attracting them back- showing them the you that they were attracted to to begin with.
