My buddy and I are looking to take lessons as well. Which cert do you teach PADI or Nauri? Its been his bucket list and I couldnt give a crap because I live way up north at this time to use regularly but he needs someone to do it with so I told him I would............besides he has a deep indoor pool so we can start there.
when not doing your fun things focus on ANYTHING that will make your life easier moving forward with or without W. That VA crap sounds perfect- OWN THAT SFC !!!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
PS...Diving changed myself...dramatically. I am so much more aware, and in touch with everything. It provides me a peace that is hard to describe. I also have always liked teaching, which is one reason I loved being an NCO in the Army.
I am in Pennsylvania, so trust me, I understand the weather. I am actually heading to our dive site this weekend with students, and the weather forecast is for the mid 70s and overcast. The water temperature is around 50. So even with a 7mm wetsuit..its gonna be cold. I just dont have the $2500 for a dry suit right now like most of the other instructors. I have been dumping all of my extra cash in my dive certifications, education, and gear.
As for W ad I...its been a quiet week. She avoids me 99% of the time, and the few times we did talk, I let her do the talking. It was usually about our S, or things that need to be done. So while things are more evened out compared to last Saturday...I still dont see any crack in the armor.
Continuing to LRT, and just live my life. Have 8 students in the pool tonight, so have that to get me out of the house.
Going to be hard this weekend with W doing her girls weekend down the shore. Will do my best to think of other things, other than her hanging at Secrets drinking and picking up some random dude. Because its been over a month...and we arent doing it.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Oh crap...I am affiliated with PADI. No particular reason other than thats the dive shop I started with.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Accuray...If you would have asked me that question in March 2013, I would have told you I had moved past it. I accepted that...if I loved this woman, and that was her explanation, I had two choices. I could walk away...or accept it and stay.
But as you can see by 6 pages on this thread...once things got screwy, especially after her first announcement of doubt about the M in April, and then her distancing from me and acting suspicious. I snapped right into paranoid behavior. It is pretty obvious that I never accepted her explanation, and only stayed for "love", or fear of being alone, or just wanting her back from OM...because now I am being driven crazy that it is happening all over again.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Right now you are perfect- you are just giveing her space and time and quieting everything down.
You gotta be so small from all that cold PA water that its a good thing your not seeing a woman now
Head high!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Accuray...I concur with your statement, however...
I think most people would agree that the injured spouse needs to hear some form of regret and an apology from the offending spouse to be able to heal, and accept the R as whole.
Otherwise, you end up like me in the long run. She never apologized...ever. She sticks to her "I told you it was over, and I moved on" excuse. Thats such a cop out. Especially when the injured spouse is out of contact (or the country like I was) at the time the "break up announcement" is held, and you really have no say or way to work out the problems with the M.
Not only that...but when the A is uncovered, and then they decide to stay in the M....was the offending spouse really over? Or did they just use that as an excuse to play around?
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I believe that by the time the offending spouse decides to have an affair, they are checked out beyond the point of wanting to offer you an apology. In fact, as strange as it seems, they usually feel they are the ones who are owed the apology.
They are generally carrying so much resentment at the point they engage in the affair, then they feel guilt, and the only way to deal with the guilt is to convince themselves that it's your fault. Then they feel badly about that, and get mad at you for making them feel badly. It builds on itself and that's often why they are such monsters to the LBS.
They start with pain and anger, what they do to escape the pain and anger brings them even more pain where you are concerned which then makes them angrier.
It's not at all unusual to never get a sincere apology after an affair, as a matter of fact, I would say it's the rule. The best you'll usually get is "I'm sorry for how it made you feel" which is different than "I'm sorry I did it."
For some, the lack of an apology crosses their line and they cannot reconcile. For others, they get along without it.
WRT your wife, chances are she's not feeling fulfilled, and that her needs are met in your marriage. THAT problem was not addressed after the first affair, which is what lead her to stray again.
The fact that her needs were not met might be 100% your fault, you may have mutually contributed to it, or it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Generally it's not black and white.
A good thing that DB can provide you is the tools and education to understand what you need to do to meet an emotionally healthy person's needs. That knowledge can be empowering.
Some people get in the way of having their own needs met -- they're afraid of intimacy, they have expectations that are so high no one could meet them, they are narcissistic, they are addicts, etc. If they are not willing to do the work on themselves to address these issues, then your chances of a healthy relationship with them is fairly low. In order to work on the issues, they have to be motivated to do so. Sometimes you can provide that motivation and sometimes you can't.
Unfortunately, if you feel you're owed an apology, you're right, but you'll probably end up waiting a LONG time to get it if it ever comes at all.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Well, The D is going to happen. I was preparing her car for her "girls weekend", and in it I found the D paperwork. She did it online yesterday 16 May 2013 at work from some website she paid for. It is for a no contest divorce...which will be entered immediately if I waive my rights to counseling, alimony, ect and consent to the D.
I knew W being more calm and favorable was a front...most likely to avoid conflict before her trip. I am sure if I dont see these today, they will be filed next week after her return.
Now WTF do I do?
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
