Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

Journaling and some questions....
I've been doing good.. Doing my own thing, getting a life, detaching pretty well. And you know what? I've been feeling so great. I've been calm, able to talk to W about R when she brings it up, about her moving out, when she brings it up. Taking my time to respond with thoughtful response where I am not letting my emotion take over. What I have noticed is that she has been letting her emotions take over. And even then, unless she is coming in between my son and I, I haven't let it bother me. I have been listening to what she is saying and validating as well. Not agreeing or disagreeing but letting her vent and let it out. What I have noticed was that she is trying to push my buttons and I haven't been reacting to it. Honestly, it feels good. There was a time when she told me to go F my self, I told her that I don't talk to her like that and don't expect her to talk to me that way. She told me not to tell her what to do and I told her that I was won't be listening to her if that's how she is going to talk to me. The next day she called and half assed apologized saying she was expressing her feelings and was trying to get a reaction out of me because she sees me as a person with no feelings. She said once again that she is all alone and feeling lonely and that the new me is not worried about anything and that I have all the answers. I told her that I am a lot happier than I have been in a long time but does not mean I had all the answers. I have a goal and I am trying to reach it. For a bit I felt bad and guilty for feeling good and try to make her feel good about the situation. Told her that I am at the point she was at in little while back when she was clearer about things.

Questions
1. When what W complained about from the get go was of me not being there emotionally, and now due to detaching, I am checked out, what do you do? She has been opening up and talking to me about her feelings and I have been listening and talking to her about HER feelings. But she is asking about mine. This is where I am lost. Am I suppose to tell her how she has hurt me in the last how ever long? Am I suppose to tell her that I don't trust her? I believe the answer is no and that I shouldn't be sharing these king of feelings at least not at this time. But how do you respond to that?

2. I have told her that I am supportive of what ever she wants to do in regards to moving out. I told her that if that's what she wants to do, I will try to help her as much as I can within reason. She has went from talking about renting a place to buying a condo to buying a house to having physical custody of our son. I have told her that the least I would accept in regard to S is 50/50. She is saying yes 50/50 but he sleeps at where she is. I don't agree and will stand my ground for this. She is also saying she needs to make the move soon because she is getting old and needs to figure out how to be happy and see if there is a chance for us and that she wants another child for S to have a brother or sister. And now that she sees the "new" me, that she has something to think about. I told her that I have to do the same about her. Honestly, the new her is not one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Am I suppose to share this with her or not? We have switched places so much its not even funny.

I think I need to keep with the priorities being kids and myself. I need to letting go in a gentle way and not letting her affect my emotions. I am getting closer but not fully there yet. I read the forms almost daily and learn so much from so many on here and know the process is the process and you have to go through the emotions before getting the new norm.

I need new goals.. So far I am doing good with my GAL as I am reconnecting with old friends and not dependent on W for anything. I am spending quality time with S and D (over the phone) more often. Working out more. Excelling at work as it has been so crazy busy and everyone at work is noticing. It is sad as I am not able to share that with W but she is hearing about it since one of her friends works at the same company. What other goals do you guys have to keep the momentum going? I honestly don't have that much time but would like to see what I can do....

Wow long post once again. Maybe one of my goals should be how to write small lol