DM45 LBS 4

[MrBond]

"I asked bluntly does she want me to have any say in parenting S16."

Why on earth would you EVER say something like that? You're his father. Of course you have a say. Stop asking for her permission.

"She said yes. I asked if we dont agree on a matter how should we proceed, she said she didnt know."

Don't ask her these things any more. When you start communicating better, you'll be able to agree.

"I said I have clear and strong beliefs on what's best for him, but fear they will be construed as manipulative, or judging. I gradually got them out, gently."

Now you're assuming that's what she thinks. This hasn't happened yet, so don't even talk to her about it.

"I said I feel powerless in the situation w/S that I have no say in his parenting."

Again ... don't ever say that. Take charge. He is YOUR son.

"I asked what do I have the power to change, and she insisted she didn't know what, but that I still had a say."

Don't ask. Read up on how to be a responsible father and just do it.

"My frustration is, how can we ever be ready if one of us is involved with another person?"

That is up to you to figure out.

"W expressed fear that I will never trust her again, and that she will never be able to forgive herself."

Tell her that you understand how she feels and that you understand if she doesn't know what she wants to do. But tell her also that deciding to trust her is YOUR choice and up to you.

"I reminded her that Christ died to redeem us from this sort of thing (and many more sorts of things) and that anything is possible, and there are countless stories about it happening, books written on how to make it happen."

Don't bring Christ or books into this discussion. It adds a ton of pressure. You can tell her that YOU have learned how to be forgiving through the things you've read/prayed about, but that's you and not her.

W said (when i asked her) she wanted to give our family unit a fair shot at surviving. Then said she's not sure if she wants to leave this OM.

"W admitted at one point that changing her living situation is actually something she considers from time to time. She said it would be hard (or wouldn't be easy). I said who says things should have to be easy."

Next time just listen and don't respond. When women talk like that it's basically them thinking out loud to themselves. They are not looking for you to offer a solution.

"I apologized for how things turned out this morning. Said I was looking fwd to meet w/C so she can set me straight if I'm manipulating, set W straight if not."

No no no. Your reasons for going to C are different than hers. Your stating the above just explained how YOU want to hear what YOU want to hear. She's not even ready at this point. AND stop focusing on the "manipulation" part of what your W has told you.

ALL WAS's say that the LBS "manipulated" them or "controlled them". It's their excuse for not having to admit that they did anything wrong. Blaming an outside source is their big thing. They don't realize that many problems that arise are from within them.