Time, Space and moving forward

[moth76]

Dropping all expectations and accepting that this is my life. Every action of mine and my W precipitated reaching his place. We did what we did and there could be no other result, and you cannot change the past.

Here is he thing, I put my head down and just went to work on me. But during these last six months I only blamed myself and let W continue to blame me. I am very proud of the progress I have made on my anger, on being open emotionally and on being a better father for my son.

But the last couple of weeks I have been contemplating a lot of things. It is said often on these boards that your spouse will never be the same. I realized that this whole time I have kept the door home for her wide open. She could [censored] off and do whatever she felt, and I was just being a doormat saying yes I will wait no matter what.

I am no longer of that opinion. I have value as a person, and there have definitely been things that needed to change about me. I am working hard toward those changes. But why would I want to just take someone back who doesn't really accept and want to change their faults in the M?

The answer is that I don't.

My M is dead, I accept that. The path I am on may or may not converge with W in the future. But I cannot change her or fix her. She must go through her own self discovery. I accept her for who she is as a person, and for being the mother of our S.
I do not accept that I want to be intimate with that person though.