Check out time.

[Jeack]

Keep going back and forth on what to do next. The going dark isn't really working. No contact for 2 weeks and stopped snooping. Getting the urge to see where we're at with things.

[Jeack]

Keep going back and forth on what to do next. The going dark isn't really working. No contact for 2 weeks and stopped snooping. Getting the urge to see where we're at with things.

[AnotherStander]

Keep going back and forth on what to do next. The going dark isn't really working. No contact for 2 weeks and stopped snooping. Getting the urge to see where we're at with things.

I'm curious, if you discover the milk is bad do you put it back in the fridge and keep taking it out every few days to taste it and see if it's gotten better? Your M is dead. Every time you reach out to W to temperature check she's just going to remind you of that, but at the same time your reaching out will be putting pressure on her and will have the opposite effect of what you want it to. You'll drive her further and further away.

[adinva]

What does "working" mean? In two weeks have you felt better, stronger, more independent, more capable of being a man only a fool would leave? Then it has been working for you.

In two weeks has your W had opportunities to solidify her intent to you, to tell you it's over, to tell you her mind hasn't changed, to push you away? Then it has been working for you.

The urge to see where you're at with things, after two weeks, is your brain trying to trick you into backsliding. Has any situation here, any single one at all, that you can find, turned around in two weeks? So seeing where you're at is going to be a chance to solidify her decision or a chance to depress yourself.

Like they say about the squirrel, you let it come to you, and you stay very still and don't come after it, or you'll chase it farther away.

That said, DB is solution-based, it's about trying things and seeing if they get you closer or farther from your goals. If you (NOT FEEL, emotionally) believe from a thinking position, that it would further your goals at this point to send a brief, breezy, non-pursuing message, to let her know you're thinking of her and see how or if she responds, that's not an entirely bad idea. But the whole idea of doing it "to see where things are at" is not a good reason to do it. Read DB about "temperature checking." Resist.

[Jeack]

[quote=adinva]What does "working" mean? In two weeks have you felt better, stronger, more independent, more capable of being a man only a fool would leave? Then it has been working for you.

[/b] Yes I have, And i've found out that I was beating myself up constantly for issues.

In two weeks has your W had opportunities to solidify her intent to you, to tell you it's over, to tell you her mind hasn't changed, to push you away? Then it has been working for you.

[b]Once again your right. She hasn't had the chance to say i'm still done. But at the same time. Is this giving me flee hope and reading into things to much?

The urge to see where you're at with things, after two weeks, is your brain trying to trick you into backsliding. Has any situation here, any single one at all, that you can find, turned around in two weeks? So seeing where you're at is going to be a chance to solidify her decision or a chance to depress yourself.

[/b] Yes my brain is trying to backslide, I know this. Because I want her to see the light. I've heard about the the sprint vs. marathon. But i'm not sure i want to wait for the marathon.

Like they say about the squirrel, you let it come to you, and you stay very still and don't come after it, or you'll chase it farther away.

[b] Very true

That said, DB is solution-based, it's about trying things and seeing if they get you closer or farther from your goals. If you (NOT FEEL, emotionally) believe from a thinking position, that it would further your goals at this point to send a brief, breezy, non-pursuing message, to let her know you're thinking of her and see how or if she responds, that's not an entirely bad idea. But the whole idea of doing it "to see where things are at" is not a good reason to do it. Read DB about "temperature checking." Resist. [/quot[b][/b] I'm going to check that out now!

[Jeack]

Keep going back and forth on what to do next. The going dark isn't really working. No contact for 2 weeks and stopped snooping. Getting the urge to see where we're at with things.

I'm curious, if you discover the milk is bad do you put it back in the fridge and keep taking it out every few days to taste it and see if it's gotten better? Your M is dead. Every time you reach out to W to temperature check she's just going to remind you of that, but at the same time your reaching out will be putting pressure on her and will have the opposite effect of what you want it to. You'll drive her further and further away.

No, your right but aren't you hoping that if you do put it in back, Tht it's fresh milk?

[Jeack]

Well things have taken a spiraling down turn. W hasn't paid her bills and complaining about money. Then found out she took OM to Atlantic city and paid for him to go skydiving with her. I asked her about this she said I didn't know what I'm talking about. I asked her to put herself in my shoes and that all I was hoping for was a chance at a new R with her. Then she had to go into work. So I texted her that I didn't care what has happened that I still wanted to work on our M. She never responded. So I called this morning and she said she's done. So I just called the lawyer to get things finalized.

I can't hang in this limbo land. Stress is eating me alive. Looks like its finally done.

[MrBond]

"I asked her to put herself in my shoes and that all I was hoping for was a chance at a new R with her. Then she had to go into work. So I texted her that I didn't care what has happened that I still wanted to work on our M. She never responded. So I called this morning and she said she's done."

YOu do understand that you pushed her to this right? I know it's tough with an OM, but if you had just a little more patience and drawn up boundaries, and learned to phrase your words differently, this wouldn't have happened.

Do you still want your M or not?

[Jeack]

"
YOu do understand that you pushed her to this right? I know it's tough with an OM, but if you had just a little more patience and drawn up boundaries, and learned to phrase your words differently, this wouldn't have happened.

Do you still want your M or not?

I truly think she was done. OM was with her when we meet. And I would only want this to work if she took some responsibility in the failure in the M. Which she never does. I think this is one of those times where it's time to throw in the towel.

[MrBond]

"And I would only want this to work if she took some responsibility in the failure in the M."

That's why you couldn't get over things. You EXPECT her to take responsibility. You can't expect someone to do something because they have their own minds as much as yourself. The key was to concentrate more on how to correct the things that YOU can correct.

"Which she never does. I think this is one of those times where it's time to throw in the towel."

That's up to you to think that way, but you could change things around if you want to. The fact that she fell in love with you once indicates that.