I agree PON... wish I didn't have to work with him AT ALL!... I will start to design my own exit strategy.
Also, in listening to my Power of Now CD, I am letting go of the hot coal in my hand (visualization), I am burning my hand... knowingly. I am dropping the hot coal. I am also trying to remember to "live in the moment...NOW", not the past and not the future, and keep reminding myself with each negative thought. I bring myself back to NOW, where it is safe.
Thanks to KD... read this on another post... good to remember!
//Healing begins when the LBS is ready. No sooner, no later. And it happens through forgiving.
While we may not say that we "forgive" our spouse for cheating, or leaving the M, or saying hurtful things, we begin to accept those things as simple facts. Through compassion, we understand that our spouses made choices that, while they may appear to us as inappropriate, they were simply choices that the WAS / MLCer made as "the best they knew how, at the time". Understanding that they too, are going through pain, even though we may not understand it. And through that acceptance and compassion, we stop taking it personally... and we can can forgive...
And we heal...
And... by healing... we change the sitch... and... who knows...//
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks to KD... read this on another post... good to remember!
//Healing begins when the LBS is ready. No sooner, no later. And it happens through forgiving.
While we may not say that we "forgive" our spouse for cheating, or leaving the M, or saying hurtful things, we begin to accept those things as simple facts. Through compassion, we understand that our spouses made choices that, while they may appear to us as inappropriate, they were simply choices that the WAS / MLCer made as "the best they knew how, at the time". Understanding that they too, are going through pain, even though we may not understand it. And through that acceptance and compassion, we stop taking it personally... and we can can forgive...
And we heal...
And... by healing... we change the sitch... and... who knows...//
GREAT post! thanks KD and thank for sharing wfm!
Quote:
.. wish I didn't have to work with him AT ALL!...
I feel the same too!...but on the other hand I still feel lucky I have a good job and still have it 'till now. Must be tough looking for a "good" job (that you like) these days...so I thought I should better keep my personal issues aside and do business/job professionally as I can...It's not easy but it can be done!...I hope!
Hope you are well wfm.
Me50 H53 S22 M23 2007 1st BD May 2011 2nd BD Aug 2011 Moved out(wants space) Feb 2012 came back (wants to work things out) Sept2012 moved out Oct 2012 found out OW but denies March 2013 Admits OW
You mentioned that you have no income for therapy. How are you surviving? Is he paying you an "allowance" to cover your expenses? Are you completely dependant on him financially as well?
I cannot stress enough how important it is in your sitch to see an attorney. You have contributed to the business, been told you are a partner, etc. You need to protect yourself!
If you do learn your options, I think it will help you GAL. And, he may take you more seriously.
I would also suggest you start thinking about where else you might be able to find work and start preparing for that by updating your resume and starting to network. It feels to like your work sitch is going to keep you from GAL.
My two cents.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
so, called h this morning (work): he answered saying "good morning", then we got into our business discussion and it went down hill from there. he didn't like repeating himself, feels I dont pay attention, "sorry you feel that way". I had to say again... YOU are talking AT me, I kept calm the entire convo. Then it turned into me asking about $300 that is missing, he got upset saying he needed it and then hung up on me. About 5 mins later he texted "sorry...other problem in my world".
Normally, I would have called him back after he hung up on me. Normally I would have called him back after he apologized. Normally I would bring it up again.... I guess this time, I won't.
Normally, his yelling at me would have upset me... this time, I feel its "his problem"...oh well. I didn't let it upset me.
Am I doing this right? Is this DB'ing, detaching? "letting go", going dim?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
wfm, you say that you called him for business, and it went down hill from there...
How did that happen? Did someone bring up R talk?
What point was he repeating himself on? During that comm or on some past "offence" of you asking him the same question? Is it possible that he could feel you don't pay attention because you repeat questions? Or do you ask for clarification? Is his comment valid?
You DO speak to "normally, I would". And it all points to you calling him back. Which I suspect could mean that you call back to ask the same question. Which could lead him to think that you are not listening.
If that is the case, it is really good that you are stopping yourself to re-engage him. It is a clear 180 that eventually, with consistent action from you, will become normal for you and he will come to believe as a permanent change in you.
I'm not sure who made the comment of "YOU are talking AT me"?
Is the $300 that is unaccounted for from the business account?
