me hide? never...I've just been floating around the bb either raising peoples feathers or helping where I can.
Last night h and I had our first reading night...when h finnished he said "this is great, I might even get smart" I simply replied "you're already smart" so of course he changed his word to "aware" he was reading bill orielly's "who's looking out for you...I can't tell ya much about it cause I haven't read it yet..but I do know that h plans to keep up with the reading wich I think is GREAT!!
other than the ssm issue things are pretty good around here...
well gotta jet dd has just informed me that she needs a new diaper.
yeah, i been watching you!!! hehe, actually and have been enjoying your interchanges
the one that i think was TOTALLY off base was on poor cloudnine, the whole "go get a drink" comment, i could have just bitchslapped that woman...ugh - sometimes this is good that its a bb and not face to face, i think there would be more murders with the way some people act...
i am glad your reading night is working, that is TOO KEWL - who woulda thunk?
sitting here on a friday night in a quiet house, the children sleeping while h is off in houston texas somewhere celebrating his teams spot in the super bowl.
I'm not mad that he's gone there but will admit it does bring back some pretty icky feelings of the last time his team made it to the superbowl.
whether it's relevant or not...our dd was born in august, I discovered h's ea (ea/pa what's the friggen difference) in november and in january h went off to of all places New Orleans for the superbowl...a once in a life time experience as I saw it...low and behold two years later he's following them again. This time I am not left at home with a 2 year old and a 5 month old I am left alone with a 4 year old and 2 year old. The fact that I'm here alone isn't the real bother though.
I know that trust is my own issue and I can't keep h under lock and key but c'mon now?? how many people having been through all this would be completely comfortable with this?
I suppose I could take some comfort in knowing that h is not alone. He's with his father, buddie, brother and one other football friend. But this offers me no comfort what so ever. after all fil knew that h was "friends" with ow all along. As some of you know ow is a customer, fil and bil both work for h and know ow, fil only admitted after all hell broke loose that he saw h sitting on her deck with her drinking a beer and questioned him. The fact that he questioned him doesn't mean jack to me as when I discovered the friendship long after the fact fil assured me it was nothing. oh exuse me fil but if it was nothing than why did you tell me you questioned him?
suppose it doesn't really matter at all anyway...right? go to superbowl...stay home....trust is broken and will likely never be completely repaired.
looking around the world and wondering why people get married anymore.
husbands cheat and it's ok..there's some explanation for it..we've got books that will help wives to realize it was partially their fault to begin with for various reasons.
wives cheat and it's ok..there's some explenation for it...we've got books that will help h's to realize it was partially their fault to begin with for some reason or another.
At what point in life do people grow up and realize that high school is over and there is NO jusitification for having an affair emotional or otherwise?
At what point does marriage mean anything?
Do we never have to grow up?
can we just go through life always finding some cop out? some excuse for our mistreatment of ourselves and others?
Well asside from the fact that I find societies excuse like tendancies these days. (when the hell did we do away with accountability anyway?) I will be enjoying full reign of my bed this weekend and having some friends over for a bonfire in the back yard...smores anyone!!
ok well as is typically the case shortly after letting my feelings out (that really wasn't that bad was it? for me anyway?) h calls.
there is a 1 hour time difference between here and houston.
so let me do a bit of then vs now to note the diff between this superbowl adventure and the last ( though the last superbowl was pre seperation post ow disclosure, ow was still in the pic behind my back, ok ok I'll let it go )
then...h didn't call much at all even went over 24 hours without calling.
now...h called from airport when getting tickets called from plain before take off called from airport when landing called from hotel upon arival called @ 6:30 to talk to kids called at 12:15 from room to say goodnight
then...when h did call he didn't have much to say (c'mon your in new orleans tell me about the people, your hotel, where or what you ate etc.)
now...h just told me about the highway system there and that it's not marked well enough for visitor travel and they've gotten lost a few times. Who's staying in the room with him (there are 5 of them so it's two rooms) and that they brough in an extra cot for the third in his room. Where they went to dinner. That they thought of going downtown to check out the scene but couldn't get a cab and thought better of driving the rental car in town so opted for a beer at the hotel bar and are calling it a night. even gave an slight itinterary for tommorow too.
do I still feel a bit of ick? of course but that's just my untrusting nature. gotta work on that in general.
If I were not working this weekened, I'd offer to go to Houston and check up on him... But, let's face it: you and I know I would not find anything untoward. Now vs then says it all....
That is not to say I do not totally understand your feelings... and even share some of them at this precise time...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Honestly his recap of his day to you sounds like a typical male.. Ifit was a woman talking to you about New Orleans you would here about the people and such... Dont make ASSumptions..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
doing my best to trust that h is simply enjoying the atmosphere of the superbowl and not the cheap tramps that may be there. 95% trusting and for me that's pretty damn good!!
kevin,
thanks for stopping by. New Orleans was 2 years ago and then h didn't even give me a recap of his day...I saw pictures a month after while he was showing them to other people and had to ask..what was this pty..etc...h shared nothing other than the fact that they had great hot dogs there.
The fact that h is giving me a recap of his day (heck sometimes he's even calling from the middle of a pty) is HUGE and I'm not making any negative assumptions about it at all. However I will admit that I do feel a bit of the "this is the way it's supposed to be" and of course with that comes "gee when he was in new orleans since he wasn't calling me was he calling ow to tell her about his day?" but then I give myself a good smack and say don't let questions and comparisons ruin what you are getting now.
)
But, let's face it: you and I know I would not find anything untoward. Now vs then says it all....