Portia, It takes a long time to recover. Please do not be so hard on yourself. You will get back to your "higher standards" in time. Right now, even though you may not realize it, you are still thinking about your SO and watching the calendar. Are you doing some fun things or just staying in?
It's time to put the calendar away, keep the focus on you, your job and your family. I know you want your SO back in your life, but it's going to take time for him to miss you, your voice and your wonderful personality. Let him go to find that illusive happiness. He will learn in due time that the person he was seeking was you all along. Just be patient.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
