Alrighty then, major case of the 'it's not fair' tonight!
I wouldn't know or care about H's life if we had a normal separated or divorced arrangement. But I do 100% parenting, kids have only been to his 'room' once and only spend maybe a couple hours with him every 10 days or so. And our kids are older! Can't imagine the stress of having younger kids.
Basically I'm trying to 'co-parent' with him which involves him in making mutual decisions for kids. And he's very participatory when I ask. But at the end of the day - I don't want to co-parent!! I want a father here taking care of his family.
I don't want him to have an opinion about our lives then retreat to his fantasy life, leaving me to dole out the verdict. I don't think he's entitled to an opinion since he hasn't put any time in with the kids in the last year.
It's not fair that he is in a lull at work and saying 'how nice it is to have the afternoons off and relax these next couple weeks' when I'm left with a house to upkeep and landscaping that is quickly becoming overgrown. And then he says he has to go cook dinner for the house, when his own kids hardly ever get a cooked dinner because I'm gone all the time and working my tail off either at my real job or GALing.
And all that brings me back to he needs to get assigned his every other weekend or whatever so I can have a freaking break! But then I feel guilty, because again, my kids are older!
But I can't do anything but get along and go along because why? I'm keeping the road home smooth! Which is easily translated to 'letting him walk all over me, letting him be a pretend parent' tonight! H gets all the credit of providing for his family and our great kids to be proud of while I'm left with everything to take care of.
Feeling sorry for myself again. It's so hard to juggle everything hoping that my family can someday again be whole and I'll get some relief. But either way I have to keep going on my own while his life is relatively a lot easier.
