From my perspective, having her nonchalantly discussing OM with you and describing any of her interactions with OM is BS! Could she be more insensitive? It seems twisted to think that it's "respectful" to share the details of how you're cheating. Respectful is not cheating.

If you can cbtdad, I would engage your IC/MC/DB coach's help in framing a boundary on this one that makes sense. It's going to be a tricky thing to word and communicate properly without starting an argument. Once that boundary is established however, guard it with your life.

You should not have to be involved in any details at all regarding OM except for the fact that there is to be no more contact ever if your marriage is to work. That's the only detail she need share, that "it's over forever". If you *ask*, she should be honest in the spirit of transparency, but to volunteer is just hurtful.

You handled that well, but you need a bigger fence there.

Acc

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015