My opinion? You've got to figure out what is to you the right and best way to be and be that, not some version of how to be that might attract your W back. Therefore, my answer to the question of what if she's bluffing is this.
Do you intend to be in a relationship with someone who cuts you to the quick and says one thing secretly expecting you to know the opposite is the truth and "don't screw this up."? Do you think you are worth that treatment, from anyone let alone your spouse? Do you think someone doing that is a healthy relationship partner whom you should bend over backwards to try to woo reluctantly back? I would answer all of these questions NO, and so I would act on the reasonable assumption that what she says is what she means, not the reverse.
I would take her words at face value. You aren't being mean, and you haven't made it unclear whether you want her back, right? I mean, doesn't everyone here start with begging and pleading? Even accepting her decisions can be done lovingly but regretfully, so it's quite clear there's a road home.
I would expect her to live into her words. If she doesn't want to leave you she should not leave. If she comes back surprised that you didn't see through it all and chase her, my response would be that I have more respect for her and for myself than to play mindgames or to assume that she was.
Opinions may vary, that's mine. I'd rather let someone go who would do that, really.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
