I've had similar feelings reb but I'm slowly coming to realize that my H is doing the best he can with the cards he was dealt. He isn't really any different than he ever was, very stoic, non-emotional, as is his family. I just filled in the missing pieces for a long time.
Your H is going to counseling, he's attempting to look inward and repair 2 very important Rs. Don't push it because this is difficult stuff, especially for those who like to deny their emotional side.
This is so true for my H too! Strange bit of conversation yesterday at MC, H has just returned from week long road trip with his mother. First weird thing, H says they wouldn't speak for hours. The car ride was 18 hours long each way... poor communication is in the family! Then MC asked if his mom had been dispensing any marital advice. H said no, but she did say one thing - "for his next wife or girlfriend, could he please pick someone that liked her." Ouch! We didn't talk to her for 12 years... this would be another reason why.
So later I was texting H and I asked him:
Me: did you have a chance to have any open conv with your mom about the past? Heal any old wounds? (he had expressed before going on trip he wanted to ask about his paternity, he's never known who his dad is).
H: Not really. Nothing to talk about really. After what she said about 'make sure the next one likes me' I lost interest.
Me: I'm sorry she was insensitive. It's never too late for her to change, it'll just make it more of a challenge to love her as she is.
H: I have more important relationships to concentrate on right now. I'm fine with the status quo for now.
Me: I hear ya. Good night.
^^^ I totally wimped out there and was trying to avoid the whole temperature check, but I think I lost an opportunity for clarification? Should I have asked, "I hope one of those relationships is with me?" Obviously it's with our girls, but he didn't just say 'R with girls more important now'...
I've already mentioned I'm struggling with the open ended questions and just wondering if I could've done something with that opportunity. So I can do better next time. Advice?
