It's definitely hard. After 2 years, I wouldn't think I would have the patience anymore.. but I guess we never know what we are ready for until it happens.
She txted again last night.. saying that she just wanted me to know that it was nice to connect with me the other day and thanking me for following up and that she is happy it went well.
I was out GALing so I didn't respond until a couple hours later. I finally responded saying I agreed and said that next time I would wait so she wouldn't be tempted to turn into a chatty kathy at work. She responded saying not to worry - if she couldn't chat, she wouldn't respond. I said fair enough and left it at that.
It was very short and very playful on my end.
2tp - I'm definitely very deliberate with how I communicate with x. I got the text but didn't respond for a few hours because I chose to be with my friends (I used to always chose x over friends).
I keep it short and I don't give out too much info or drag on the conversation because I was the talker in our relationship thus creating a dynamic where she was always there for me... but never allowed me to be there for her. I have no interest in that dynamic anymore.
It some ways - this kills me because I LOVE conversation and it's hard to speak with purpose at times....
.. but my goals are very simple. To always respond lovingly. And to always respond with who I am. The new Val is very playful even dare I say funny....
... and I am confident because I no longer hold onto the need to be "good enough" in her eyes.
I know who I am.. and that's not being cocky. It's just having self worth and truly believing that even though I'm not perfect - I'm still loved regardless.
And that is very powerful knowledge.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
