I am working on me but if she doesn't change...

[KarenR]

I think it is important to get clarity on what your goal is. Obviously you don't want to go back to the same old routine. Are you (or you and your wife) talking to a solution based therapist? It is important for both of you to have a shift in how you look at your future together, as I am sure you want what is best for your kids, which would be healthy and happy parents.
If you aren't getting direction and support from a professional, I suggest you talk to one of Michele's coaches, as this is their expertise. Please call me if you have any questions. Take good care.