Now is the time to ACT AS IF. Act as if you are a strong woman who expects and deserves better treatment. Act as if you have let go and are moving forward with your life. Act as if you have better things to do with your time than obsess about him. Act as if you are growing and changing into a better person.
In a game of tug of war, so long as you pull on the rope, the other person pulls back. But when you suddenly let go of the rope, the other person falls down.
Let go of the rope. Don't badger him for a commitment. Don't fish for reactions. Do your work, call him only when needed for work, end the calls first when you can. Make other plans for your life, AS IF he's not coming back. (He's much more likely to come back if he sees you moving on - so long as you're pressuring him he can't figure out what he wants because he's too busy REacting against you).
Fix whatever things about you that you think you can improve that may have contributed to the relationship problems.
If you can't afford to see a therapist, think about going to an appropriate 12 step program. I think you might benefit from a co-dependency group, but maybe you have other issues - are you perhaps an adult child of an alcoholic?
The important thing right now is to LET GO and to WORK ON YOU. You do NOT have control over whether he comes back or not - but you DO have control over your behavior and your self-improvement, so put the focus there. It WILL pay off.
And please - follow our advice and contact an attorney, just to find out what your legal rights are, since it seems to me you are in a very vulnerable financial position. Knowledge is power.
