I always knew my H was a man who spent his life searching for fairness from the world, the people he came in contact with, and how his life is/was to turn out. His search was/is endless, and the grass was always green on the other side.
Throughout our M we were on that other side, I did see that he was not satisfied and he needed more, and the more, and the more became, ''why'', why do "they" have more.
That was always in him, I just saw it as a healthy need to succeed. He started screaming and criticizing as soon as he saw his limitations, oh darn we weren't going to be millionaires.
Now he tells me he is only returning to the person he always was, he just tried life the ''right'' way, M, kids, house, because he thought that was going to make him happy.
I met/married a man in some kind of transitional experiment to see if he could prove to himself that he wasn't a dark thinking, miserable, looser, who hated the world, and preferred to be angry.
I don't know if he's bi-polar, narcissistic, or Borderline personality disorder, my guess is any of those fit him, and yes it was always in him!
I mistook ambition and hunger as a young man's prerogative in life, when he was just trying to see if he could mask himself, from the world, and himself!
H says too that he no longer has any interest in sex, never thinks about it
My H is the same, he claims to have no interest, but just over the weekend he said he's in full ED, w/no sensation. Then he said, I'm glad, it's probably better. BS, they are the guys that can't face that they have an issue and fix it, so it a ''good thing".
Just like it's good that people die, and cities get flooded, H doesn't know how to handle when life goes of course.
Can they be the person us LBS are "standing" for ever again? I am soo scared that even if he was to ''try again'' he's just putting on a different mask, and then for how long?
I'm turning 46yr this Fri, I hate living in IL and stayed for H, I am weighing out how much I am going to continue to invest, honestly I would leave today, I have very little faith. I'm just waiting for that to be fully ok w/me
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
