Had MC last night. Dr asked for updates between us, nothing really. He reviewed our originally objectives, asked me if I was still willing to work towards new R and I said yes. He restated H's original objective of just improving his R with dds and if that was still correct, H said yes R with dds is his primary focus but he is now 'not closed' to a R with me.
Then the entire rest of the session was spent on him and 'trust recovery' model for dds. dr was really good and asked 'you see how this same model could be used in your relationship?'.
I think I understand now that H's R with dds will need to be mended before H will truly be open to R with me. And I take responsibility for a lot of that reasoning. I called him a sh!t dad right before he left and I know that hurt him deeply. So here we are, almost a year later, and he's trying to understand how he can finally make an attempt to heal with dds.
But, maybe it's because the topic is my dds, I'm having a really hard time 'buying it'. I know I need to give the guy a break, but I'm feeling so little emotion from him. And I am now understanding that I don't want and won't accept that same no emotion R in the future. In a sad way, I'd love to see him torn up about R with dds, crying 'what can i dooo?'. That's not going to happen. Instead he's making lists and trying to understand the steps. It's a good start I just need to remember that I'm further along in the healing and he's at the beginning line.
I'm feeling a general resistance from H emotionally and I don't understand why... I just need to continue showing positive changes.
Instead he's making lists and trying to understand the steps. It's a good start I just need to remember that I'm further along in the healing and he's at the beginning line.