When we started therapy, it was stressed that we needed more one-on-one time, specifically date nights. We did two weekends in a row, and it felt great. I planned one then for this Saturday and got theater tickets for a Broadway production at our brand new theater. This was going to be a special night and I struggled, but was able to get great seats. Plan was dinner, then play. Two days ago, D9's schedule for her last/state volleyball tourney came out and it is two hours away. Worse, the championship games are mid-late afternoon.
I thought we were going to go to the three morning games and then leave to get back for date night and this morning W said she wasn't sure and was having second thoughts. She felt bad missing the last games and that D would feel sad we weren't there. This caught me off guard and instead of just affirming, I tried to affirm, because truthfully, I did understand as I would feel a bit bad as well, but I also tried to make the case to still go to the play. We were civil, but I told W that prioritizing our kid's sports over us was what got us into this problem. She said that what got us into it was not focusing on us and this is a unique situation. She said if we go to date night her heart wouldn't be in it as she would be thinking of D, so I finally gave up, but made it clear that the biggest reason I was unhappy was that I would have hoped that her first instinct would have been to say "I will be sad to miss the last three games, but this is more important to me". She said that was unfair. We ended that I told her while I wasn't happy with the outcome, I appreciated that she felt she could be honest and that I could with her.
But, this clearly showed how the pleasantries of the past month have been the relationship equivalent of "small talk" and we haven't really gotten anywhere.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
