Good Old England

[25yearsmlc]

Bruce,

since her father is a lawyer, it's pointless for YOU to explain the law to her.
Anything you say that is self serving or inaccurate, will be used against you as proof that you are still not reasonable.

Just confirm your understanding of it and only when it's needed, and it rarely is.

Remember she has a lawyer father, who costs her nothing...

[/i]

Hello,

To put things in context I will first copy here the e-mail I sent that has not been replied to after two weeks!

Hi W,
I had a busy week-end :), hope yours was good as well.

Ok, below are some observations. Can you provide me with a comment on each bullet point? Hopefully it'll make the dicussion progress.

Have you determined yet what the considered property is?

Why don't you make a fair proposal or ask her what a good one is and NOT THEN Explain your version of it?

Exclusions: property owned before marriage, goods or advantages acquired before the marriage by gift or inheritance which was intended to benefit only one spouse.

you think she does not know this or what it means?? ^^

And if your parents gave you money while married, and you commingled it, it's marital property. Period.

Don't tell her How they never intended HER to benefit from their gift while you were married. OMG That does NOT flatter you or your family...

There are a number of reasons listed for an unequal division of property:

- The length of time that the spouses have cohabited before and during their marriage;

usually The longer you were a couple in some form

the more equitable the division.

Did you mean to write it this way? It's not correct imo. And it sure won't be to her or her dad..

Length of marriage from March 2009 to June 2012 : 39 months. Cohabited: 31 months.

IF you are NOT counting the time you cohabitied as time acquiring assets, do not mention it only to deduct it...(SIGH)

but if I were her L, I'd ask her what she gave up by joining you in your country. What career plans were derailed? Why is she NOW starting over and AS a single parent? Her life is much harder than it would have been if you had not split up.

I don't believe you are truly considering her point of view or valuing it.

- The duration of the period during which the spouses have lived separate and apart.
Apart 16 months, separated and apart : 10 months .

Again, why not just count the time married? You are over complicating this.

Technically you are still married now, remember? So it's still going on

but if they make Separations that are NOT legally filed, into something that you can argue = the end of the m, good luck. But that was RECENT...and so Here's why I don't buy your calculations at all.

You moved there last summer with the intent of living together as a family. You said you only took so long to join her due to your work, so how can you argue you did not believe you were married then?

and YOU filed for a divorce or sep for custodial rights. We understood why but that was recent...


- Date when matrimonial property was acquired.
22 September 2010: 15 months of life in it together

- The contribution, whether financial or in some other form, made directly or indirectly by a third party on behalf of a spouse to the acquisition, disposition, operation, management or use of the matrimonial property.

- Any maintenance payments payable for the support of a child;

- The value of matrimonial property situated outside Saskatchewan.

Length of spousal support:
- Length of marriage.
- Self-sufficiency.
- Presence of a compensatory claim.


Bruce let her dad --you know, THE CANADIAN LAWYER list things.

You're the Engineer from France, and a very biased party to the action...remember?

This comes across as consdescending AND self serving and a little weird.

Like you see things ONLY thru your lens...still. And you believe everyone would see it your way and I just glanced at it and shook my head three times...

You once said you lacked coping skills b/c things went your way in life prior to this.

Okay so, what about when people do not agree with you? How do you deal with it?

So far you just repeat your claims and make no movement towards her position or concessions unless forced and then you complain whenever the topic comes up.




 Are there any other items you think that need to be included in this list?
You mentioned in the past not being interested by maintenance payments, what is your take on it?

she changed her mind about the support, or did you forget that? IT's been a LONG time since she said she wanted nothing from you, it was in the letter she wrote you when she left...


Have a good one,
Bruce

Now you know what I have written and maybe why W hasn't replied yet.

YES I think we do know why she has not replied...

Even before I post my proposed next e-mail I would ask you if you could comment on this one and how I could appear less assertive or like I want to give her are rough deal.

Start by trying to be fairer. For real. Give her half of what was acquired during the marriage and stop whining or measuring how much more work you did in the marriage/house earnings...

you keep doing that. IT totally negates her willingness to move to join you across the world, as if it was a worthless to you and only a BENEFIT TO HER...

I believe if your paradigm really shifted and you learned empathy for her, your wording would come easier and fairness would be easier for you to see.

To be clear,

YOUR SON IS NEVER TO BE A BARTERING TOOL FOR MONEY...EVER....I want to help you.

So forgive me for this if it offends you,

but having to tell you to disconnect money from custody is pretty darn outrageous. And so basic.

Yes some men pretend they want shared custody when all they really want is to lower their child support...that is true.

But they know they are supposed to hide that fact, b/c it repels the Court to hear it, yet the Court may suspect it...

so if you don't get half custody that will probably be the reason...ie that they believe you only want half custody so you don't have to pay as much.

And Bruce, it's pretty clear to me that you DO connect the two. So don't be shocked if the Court suspects that.

Do you have any idea what I"m trying to tell you?



Thank you, this time I am posting my e-mails to you before sending them to my wife.

Bruce