Thanks lovethehub, for that moment in time I finally was able to create the mindset that all of the wise people on this DB forum have been helping me with. It did feel pretty amazing after coming from being suicidal when my WAH told me ILYBINILWY. I am so happy I found this forum and read Michele's book.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
Dear Stilllookingup, I know the return of that sinking feeling when my WAH talks about taking some more of his stuff. But I am proud of YOU for not totally falling apart when your WAH said about seeing someone. I am terrified of that. You are really strong for being able to deal with that. I am no expert here but I am thinking he did that just to upset you since you are looking so together & totally Un-needy. It is great he noticed your GALs! Hang in there - it does feel great to vent here because people understand the sitch and the goals of DBing.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
This is a shout out to the DBing Gurus - what to do when the first alone on our anniversary rolls around. Thursday is our 15 year Anniversary. I was thinking of taking a vacation day from work and getting the heck out of Dodge by going on a road trip with a friend to do something I love - try out new horses to maybe buy - that my WAH would hate. I already asked my WAH by text if he could come & feed our dogs dinner that night because I was planning on going out with a friend & he said he would. I am getting a little mad at him lately but I have just been polite by text & in person. I am also a little afraid that my love for him is getting destroyed by how I am starting to think I deserve better than a WAH! How do I keep on track without going backwards & down the drain?
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
What you're doing is perfect. Just go out and enjoy yourself. Enjoy life. Immerse yourself in your experiences without him and concentrate on those activities. After awhile you won't have to try to enjoy yourself. You just will and not even think of your WAH.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I would think Tonkarider, spending time away from Dodge and with a friend would be fantastic thing to do when it is your Anniversary and no one to share it with. I didn't get that chance, the W was staying at EA's house and I couldn't get out of Dodge.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
"I am getting a little mad at him lately but I have just been polite by text & in person. I am also a little afraid that my love for him is getting destroyed by how I am starting to think I deserve better than a WAH! How do I keep on track without going backwards & down the drain?"
Boy have I been there. I continue to go back and forth with being angry and resentful to trying to be polite (next door neighbor polite). I came to the conclusion actually yesterday that I don't want to be mad and angry. I am not that person. Never have been. Mean people $uck! So I have decided to not be that person. I just hope I can stick with it.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
I agree Grizz, I am not mean by nature either. Several people have told me a lot of times being nice is mistaken for weakness. Right now a day before my 15 year anniversary, I feel weak & circling the drain about to go down. This is a horrible tough road to travel - roller coaster - up & down. I am exhausted from it. I keep thinking about my wedding day. So tired from the pain. I wonder why one day we are feeling strong & powerful, full of confidence the DBing is working, then the next it is flipped like a light switch, and we feel like this is a never ending twisting knife in the heart?
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
Hotwheelsaust - I feel so for you that you have kids & couldn't just run off on your anniversary. At least I just have dogs whom my WAH has agreed to come feed. I still am starting to feel the pain more & it is only the day before. I want so badly to say "hey you WAH - do you even remember the promise you made 15 years ago tomorrow? Do you even remember that our anniversary is tomorrow" But I CAN'T if I want this to work DB style. Even harder is the WAS is the one I could confide in - now not only I can't do that, but I am not burdening my friends with it because I am sure they are sick of hearing about it & I don't want to be that girl. I can't decide if having kids would have made it more difficult or easier. I guess you can't really tell that stuff to your kids either. At least I can tell my dogs & my horse LOL.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
MrBond, I am dreaming of the day that I can have fun without thinking that I am almost forced to be to get thru this. I can't even look at advertisements for fun things my WAH would want to do. I really love your signature. I feel like I need to get a tattoo of that & I'm not even that kind of girl!
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
I survived my 15 y anniversary by traveling to another state with a guy friend to look at a new horse to buy. My WAH agreed to come by the house & feed our dogs. He even texted me Happy Anniversary which irritated me because it started out to be the worst ever. Actually turned out great because the trip was so much fun I forgot all about it until it was time to return. I just didn't want to go back home. I am still having wild mood swings but I now think they are more about the marriage itself falling apart rather than my WAH himself. When I see him he is starting to look less and less attractive to me now that I am physically self improved due to my DB GAL at the gym and my WAH actually looks older & chubbier & more grey than I remember. Is this normal? Maybe I am being thrown into my own MLC from my WAHs MLC. I know this isn't part of the DB program but I have been starting to hang out with friends in their 30s & I am 54 even though people think I am mid 40. Does anyone have a take on this? It does lessen the pain at times because that age group is a lot more active & everyone I know my age doesn't like to do anything except watch TV and drink.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
