we own a business - pt 9 ... its about me!

[MrBond]

"right now, he believes I have given up & let go."

You're mindreading again.

"I need to stay dim/dark... and heal myself."

You say that but you don't do it. You just end up getting resentful. You've filled up 3 pages on this latest post already with paranoid self-talk. Your mind-reading is driving you crazy. Have you talked to your therapist about that? Are you still on meds?


"I need to believe this for myself too. Is this ok to do?"

Of course it is.

"Maybe some time to realize that I cannot be his business partner, or anything ..."

AGAIN you are trying to control his feelings. You are trying to make him miss you, etc. When you try that hard, all you end up doing is end up disappointed. It seems like with you it's either 100% in or out. That's the stress that he feels. You keep talking about yourself and your own needs. You always feel the need to say something or to explain yourself, when all he wants is to be left alone.

Bottom line is that if you can't muster the patience to let him sort himself out and stop being needy, your relationship will fail. I can see now that you were not treated like a "doormat". You kept needing validation and regardless of what your H did to validate you, it wasn't good enough. If you treated him the same way you're reacting to the posters here, I can see how he got frustrated.

DBing is all about fixing YOURSELF first. That's what needs to change.