Slowing to a Crawl

[Portia]

Thanks for dropping by, B. I have been keeping up with you, too!

Bright, nice to hear from you, too.

It looks like your xSO and his GF are both in rebound relationship with each other. This normally doesn't last. And then the kids; Just wait, all kinds of issues will come out when dealing with the step kids. I'm talking from my own experience. My son was 8 when I married my current H. There were all kinds of issues with parenting, but my H was committed to the marriage at that time and he was not confused like your xSO is now.

I think you are very right out all of this: rebound and step kids - very young step kids. My xSO wants instant family and the GF was barely separated before they starting seeing each other which leads me to believe that she is needy as well. Whether or not that will make any difference to me, IDK. But thank you so much for saying that!

Hey MizJ! I feel like we're all upside down on the Monkey Bars these days!

I wanted to touch on something I have seen in a few posts from you. It seems you wonder if you had been more "traditional" in your R if things would have gone the way they did. I guess we all wonder if we had done X instead of Y, would we still be at the same place.

But, I wonder if your SO would have been interested in you all those years ago if you had presented a "traditional" R/lifestyle to him. It seems that you, and he, offered the other what was wanted when you met, and probably continued to do so for many many years thereafter.

And, its not like SO came to you and said "I've had a change of heart. I now think thus and such." So that you would have had the opportunity to respond and choose to alter your life course - or not. This would have shown signs of someone who had been soul searching, what your SO did shows more "fantasy" searching.

MizJ, you busted me here. To be fair, I was the one who preferred the "non-traditional" but I think you are absolutely right, aside from some jokes and casual remarks, made way too late for us to have made any decisions together, he never truly communicated to me that his feelings were changing, that if I was not or could not change to meet his changing needs, then he would have to move on. If he did/does now want this white picket fence life, I cannot follow. And I still would have been heartbroken but at least not left feeling as if he cut out my heart and ate it for dinner.

He never gave me a fighting chance. He detached, met other women and finally found one as needy as he is. Does not want me at all. I have seen on several threads comments like the MLCer returns to family, to roots and to those ties. I feel like without those things, there is nothing to act as a pull back.

Thank you for your caring words. I will save you the swing next to mine.