Still Struggling and need help #3

[reachingHigher]

CB, I had some thoughts about what your W said about tat-boy.

On Sunday night, at a small gathering for a jazz concert, my H struck up a convo with a young couple just behind us that attended the local university. We asked about their majors, job potential and so on. My H said "I've already screwed up my life but you two have lots of opoortunity ahead of you."

So today, H & I had some time alone together in a car, and I asked him what he meant by that. He said he meant in a career. I said he has done really well. I've said so many times before, like a broken record, what a great job he has done -- federal job making $125K a year, with almost no work hours outside his 40 hours/week. Paid off mortgage, home in the country, two healthy kids -- one of which is paid full academic scholarship to a fantastic university.

So...his perception of himself isn't based on reality. So instead of grinding it in, I asked what he would've done differently. He listed the things he wished he had done differently. Then I asked you could have don't those things you mentioned differently, but would you have? So he said he probably wouldn't. And didn't.

So...back to your W. She may be truly living vicariously through this guy...potential she didn't do or have or use. It will wear off after a while.

But we all think that sometimes...would've, could've, should've.

I guess I don't really have a point to drive home except she is fascinated with tatboy's achievements perhaps more than his masculinity? Idk.

It seems the MLC journey is all a journey to acceptance and reality of where we are right now. Choices made in the past. Potential choices loom up in the future. The person in MLC wants to suspend time and live as if consequences and choices doen't matter.

And we have to keep living reality. And we have our own journey (your career, your role as a parent, your decision of where to raise your kids, what your own interests and hobbies are).

Just chiming in. Rambling a little about this journey. And I was thinking about you and your W and your decisions to make.