Thanks for your pointing out that this is a natural courtesy. I have let her know and just said I hope it wasn't a problem.
EE next week - yay! W knows nothing of me going there, but MIL does (I will briefly return to CA after EE, and then hop on a plane back over the US the same day - ugh).
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
No, I did nothing. She specifically requested that I not send any more flowers. I've been sending the occasional friendly email, but here is her answer in response to my saying that my trip to Germany on the 27-29th would hopefully not be a problem:
Hi, No that's no problem with the 27-29. Early day, (wife first initial)
This is the most curt email yet, and I believe she has a holiday today even. Her mails typically start with Hi toi (her name for me) and have some non-business content.
I really don't know whether to send her anything or just give her space and maintain radio silence - remember that she dropped out of already paid for trips to Spain and Poland. She also expressed that she resents me "gallivanting" around in the world. I thought that my being gone for so long (3 weeks now) would soften her, but no deal - this is her second mail in those 3 weeks.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Oh, I forgot, she does not like mother's or father's day, and did not call or write her mom. I called mine (and made dinner last night for my MIL).
Extending this, my W's life is defined a good deal by what she does not like (various countries, for example) and rebellion is important to her (her wedding ring says "l'anarchie" on the inside), quite the firecracker of a person sometimes.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Luke, since we discovered late in the game that abandonment/neglect was a big problem in your marriage, and given her recent comment about gallivanting, that what you are trying (ie being gone more) is not a 180 but more of the same. So you can guess that planning more trips and being gone more than you need to for work and commitments, is not going to move you higher in her esteem. Just file that away for the future, work is work and EE is more important than DB strategies right now, IMO.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Then you should have sent her a card for Mother's Day telling her thank you for being there for your kids. I can understand that she has an issue with her mom, but Mother's Day is a celebration of HER being a mom to your children. Did your children do anything for her?
I agree with adinva. She's actually projecting her disappointments into you and blaming you for her "lack of a life". When and why did she tell you not to give her flowers any more?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
see you tomorrow night! I am in Philly already. I look forward to meeting you. The EE people have been very nice so far. L
adinva and Mr. Bond,
the funny thing is that I made it a point to be home for 3 months straight until this trip, but that has not helped either. The other ironic thing is that my job, which does require traveling, basically has made it possible for us to live where we do. If I worked in Sweden, I would probably make only ~1/2 of my current salary and our house/lifestyle would not be.
Yes, there isn't much I can do now anyway, with EE in 24 hours, and being away from home.
My W looks at Mother's day, I think, as partly commercial, partly reminding women of their proper role, and generally unnecessary. Heck, she doesn't even like her birthday (it reminds her she is a year older).
Don't know about the kids doing anything for her - will ask daughter on Skype tomorrow. One of Mother's and Father's day is also on a different date in Sweden, so it may not have happened there.
I sent flowers last trip, just because I thought it give her pleasure and brighten a gloomy Swedish winter. When I got home, they were still there, but she said please don't do it again, they are environmentally lousy.
I think your idea of her blaming me (and she frequently does blame) is correct - for a long time she had no regular job - but now she does - though her job pays lots less than mine does.
I wish she could just accept our unequal contributions to our finances and have fun, and go on the trip to Spain or Poland.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I'm going to sneak in while Luke is passed out on some plane and report on a few thing you followers might not pick up from his writings.
This guy is extremely intelligent and interesting. He's warm, open, fun, and thoroughly engaging in social situations. I could go on. I can see why his very demanding W picked him.
I got to see that new red shirt he bought a couple months ago. It's dazzling. And Luke is fierce! Look out!
