Here's an add on to my previous post (I can't believe how much Zoo's post moved me!):
Quote: "There's no doubt in my mind that your W wants to continue spending the rest of your lives spending time together. PERIOD! There were a lot of bad things that happened in the former M. To her they are demons. Demons that continue to haunt her. HUD, she still is fighting to be with you, but she has to find a way to do an exorcist on those demons to be gone with them. Her solution - Divorce herself from the old M, so she will have a chance at a new M without any possiblity of those old haunts coming back! It's not a matter of whether it is right or wrong ... its a matter of it being a solution she believes will work. If you can buy into this, maybe it might help in guiding your direction."
This was posted by my good friend KAW to me not all that long ago, and I think it may apply to your sitch as well.
And I agree wholeheartedly with lettie's posts and the threads she recommends.
I think it comes down to balance - you be a good father, you be upbeat around your W, but you DETACH nonetheless.
It's difficult - and it takes time, no doubt. I didn't think I'd get there, but I did - you will too.
My W and I will likely be D'd this time next month. But I know that she loves me and still considers me to be a friend. She has said that her dream is that one day will reconcile. Would she be this way today if I hadn't started Dbing this time last year after we had been separated a month already? Unlikely.
And no, I won't stop Dbing once our D is final. But I won't stop moving on with my life either. I will no longer be considered her legal H - so I certainly won't behave as one would.
I will always be my daughter's father, however.
So, I will date. I will fulfill my post D obligations. When I interact with my W, I always try to be positive and upbeat. I will move on.
IF she changes her mind someday...if, if...then, I'll decide what I want to do.
How does all this relate to your sitch? I think you should start acting in the same ways. Agree with her - don't resist her direction (you don't have to facilitate it, necessarily, but don't be an obstacle).
