I really stepped on it, and am asking for help

[PatientMan]

My question is two fold. 1) Has anyone elses WAS moved this fast to get to a D before. Immediately separating bills, taking out loans to pay off debts, and distancing themselves so much from their LBS it isn't funny? I mean a 100% shut down of any feelings?

I believe this is common WAS behavior, based on what I have read. Also, realize that FOR HER it isn't "fast". She has been thinking about this for a while.

And then now how do I "drag my feet" as Newman suggested without looking desperate, infuriating her more, and going back on my word????

Let her drive any and all talk about the marriage or the relationship. You don't bring anything up and only cautiously talk about what topics she has induced in that exact instance. Comply with explicit requests out of respect, but avoid/ignore implicit talk and action.

Your relationship is like a hot stove: DON'T TOUCH IT!

That seems to not help the sitch any either. I just feel she is running as fast as she can to a D before she changes her mind again, or gives time to see if changes can happen.

Is is my very humble opinion (emphasis on "opinion") that this is behavior is also normal for the WAS and it is because they realize that they both:

1) Feel very strongly in this exact moment, and that
2) They realize (consciously or subconsciously) that they may NOT feel this strongly in the next moment.

To a rational person, given #2 it would lead one to believe it is time to slow down. To a WAS who may be irrationally processing things, it's time to speed up and get out of the "trap" they seem themselves in.

I know what I have to do with LRT. I have stopped behaviors, even though I am obsessing here. Just need some guidance. Because my T is only telling me to move on, and its not something I am comfortable with.

I am not professionally qualified to disagree with your licensed therapist, but I do not agree with his/her advice. Only YOU know when it's time to "move on". He or she may be trying to push you in the right direction, to help you GAL, but you can't force yourself to "move on" just with a snap of the fingers.

It takes time. Lots of it.

She does accounting, while you might think this would be normal, she hasnt gone to this extreme in the past. As for exerting control? I dont think so. She is just methodically preparing for being on her own again without any help from me.

In my opinion, it's likely both.

By the way, what's the "OT" location? Out of town? She's out of town every day?