I am sorry I just cant keep doing this. I know everyone here is trying to do what they can to help me and the one or two theres around me that i dont see that much. It is just eating up from the inside out. yes could be the fact i have to move and have no place to go yet. yes it could be that my job is kinda in fluks you all know how IBM is.if i did not have dog i would have a place but yet think i dont think i could commit to it het. the stomach is a reck all. not eating well at all. just giving up on everything even here with the coaching.
my big thing is that i have this need to talk to WAW more than you know. I try to do no contact but always find a reason to contact. I havve a lawyer to ses this week for a separation but i do not want one and the only reaaason i did it was to try and protect myself. i was told by an none DB theropist that i should do it. or she could come after everything i have gotton till i file. I dont think she wil do that to me but who knows. I do not want to send wrong signs to WAW
however i do not want to loss wht i have too. i mean i had to replace everything in my current house when she moved out. i mean everything. I was just with my stepdaughter at court for support. her lawyer never saw me before and asked who i was and she said with out any hesitation im her step dad. do you know how that made me feel. very good. Why is it WAW can not see this with the kids that im doing everything she wish i had been. not that i was a bad to them. they just had a problem with drugs. and now things are better. she moved out of her moms house and told me she would never go back there.
anyway my burning desire here is that i feel like i want to ask WAW what is stopping her from talking to me. what is the road block. Also if she would be willing go to talk in front of a theropist if it made her feel better. I just dont get why she is so cold but back some time she wanted to be friends. confused i am. Yes i have been told she likes other girls but i can not confirm this. nor do i understand it. i just feel she was pulled into it by her friend that has been around her 24/7 365 for the past 2 years one of them was when WAW and I had still been living together. WAW was there to console her in her relationship the broke up. so it all could have started there. WAW says it was fom the kids and me but truly do not think so.
we both had so much going on with me being ill from car accident and a total of 6 surgeries and not wanting and could not do anything. this was all the same time this lesbo came by.so do i think WAW is realy gay or just talked into it. I do not know but i do need to have her tell me it.
Like i said i do not wand to separate legaly or divorce. it is killing me that i even have the free consolt this week. all this is not known by the DB coach and would love her input on this and if i should close the joint account. She is not around till next week.
How knows maybe it is my WAW knows that im always there for her and will always pick up the slack for her meaning money wise. more so with the car. but if i do a separation in it will be you need to get the car out of my name. and in NYS both have to agrea to the separation 100% or it will not be filed. I know the car is the problem for her she has crap for credit aand is over extended herself way to much in many areas. But if i keep paying the car when it gets to late and then like this past week has the money to go away then WTF. i am being used. But dont want to shut the doors on her too.
I was there for her all the time even when together but may be she felt guilty from it. who knows i just want to know what the real road block is here. I try to leave it in GOds hands but maybe he is telling me to do this but yet im not hearing it. My WAW mom that i talk to all the time as i feel like she replaced my sick mom.said that she does not get it but she was asking if i was willing to give her till the end of the year to get the car taken car of. She feels that is the road block the car. but yet if WAW was to talk to me maybe we could work something out. But she is so unwilling to talk and deal with this and anything i feel i have no choice but to push it with the car. but know she sill not agree to the separation papers. That would be in it to get the car out of my name or give it back and i will refinace it in my name or just call loan company tell them to take the car and f*** my and her credit.
I dont know . i was told i could talk to an other coach but it would take the hr to get them up to speed. Has anyone talked to a 2nd coach in a sich like this. I hope some one has and it helped out i dont want to change but i need to know now ASAP what is the correct path this week.
also just feel like someone said to me there afrain im absessed with WAW. I dont think so. I love her we are married still but she is gay as far as i know 3rd hand. whats others thoughts on this
