Hit hard still taking another step forward.

[T1000]

I appreciate the input LTH. It's good to hear it from a similar side to my W's.

"when she knows you are changing for good, she will trust you"
"I was afraid to trust my H to stick around (long before my A)& because of these fears, I did not want to let OM go"


What are your thoughts on her wanting me to move to her town?
I suggested it to her in March that I would sell the house and move to her town and rent a place in the hope that we would reconcile. At the time she said I should to it for our kids. I shouldn't do it for her. I told her it would be for the kids but it would also be for her. She said nothing could happen between us while I lived where I am now.
I think at that time she must have just met OM.

I spoke to two of my close friends. My brother who said do what you need to do and my friend of 30+ years who was obviously a bit confused by my decision but said do it if you feel you have to.

As time went by and I found out she was dating my mind changed. My counselor thought it was a bad idea. I would be commuting 2.5-3 hours a day. It would be very hard to have a life.
I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't move. I would remortgage to make payments easier and get on with my life. I never expressed this to my W because at the time I felt it was non of her business.

Now W wants me to move so we can have a chance at making it work. She feels it won't really happen until I do.
I did tell her last Monday that I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. She thought I would do it for the kids anyway. She was disappointed with what I said. The conversation got cut short for reason or another and god knows what she remembers anyway.

My question is do you think she needs to experience the act of me moving there for her to trust I'm for real?
In March she said nothing could happen until I did live there. That has changed already and I'm fairly sure after some time if it keeps heading in the right direction it can change even more.

If we were dedicated to the R and the M I would move there and do all the driving to have our family back together.

Doing it on the chance that it might work or the chance that she could easily WAS it anytime she wants.
I suppose that could happen at any time to anyone anyway.

As I'm typing this the situation feels similar to what happened in November when she gave me the ultimatum that I either move there and we carry on with the M or it's over. I baulked at the ultimatum, had concern on moving there and I didn't trust her to change.
I have learned that seeing it as an ultimatum and acting accordingly didn't do me any favours. I wanted to be right. Whats the saying "Be happy or be right"
Having concerns on moving were something that I immediately got past when the whole thing fell through.
Not trusting her to change was a rookie move. It's up to the LBS to take the first step, and the next step, and the next thousand steps...

I'm hoping spending Sunday-Wednesday together next week will give me more of a feel.