Not confused...trying to keep hope alive!!!

[BRNR]

Hey Golf Mom - Thank you for your contribution to my thread.

I am taking action on Thursday....filing for support orders and custody, also calling some companies to try to reduce my expenses...maybe even relax a little since I took the day off from work.

I have these five minute moments sometimes...usually on the heal of hearing a song. sometimes they give me good thoughts of my marriage with H...which make me cry, and sometimes they give me bad thoughts of where H and I are today...which makes me cry. Either way, I cry, so I try to let the tears flow when they come.

I did have a moment on Sunday (Mothers Day). I got text messages, IM's from a lot of friends and family wishing me a Happy one. I responded to all these with a Thank you and realized how many people were thinking of me that morning...by mid afternoon, H had actually sent me a text as well. I cried for about fifteen minutes. It meant everything to me in that moment...as I would hope that H would at least acknowledge me as the mother of his children. The moment was fleeting, and after the crying I realized how far H is gone...and how much I still care about him, although I am not sure it is love as the pain has maybe pushed that down very deep.

I guess my moments are getting to me, although, these moments are fleeting and very short. I will say, life is getting better everyday, and I thank God for feeling more up than down these days.

You can take care of business and still practice DBing. Don't let this situation change you in a negative way. You can be both strong and loving. In fact, I believe that a woman who respects herself is one that can be trusted. Ultimately, isn't that what you want your H to see?

GM, this is well put. The last conversation I had with H (about a month or so ago), he said he saw a very strong woman in me. Sometimes, I think maybe I was too strong. I am a very black and white person and if anything this sitch has taught me that not everything is black and white including me and how I do things. So working on expressing my softer side, and still be strong and loving.

Thank you for expressing your regrets for not pushing with things financially, etc. I read your sitch some and see how you are getting the shaft, yet you are still pushing through making hard decisions for you and your kids. I thank you for sharing your story, and if anything want to learn something from it.

So as I said...off to the courthouse on Thursday...it will be a hard thing for me emotionally to file the action against H, but it is about survival and the past month he has truly only worried of himself while I have taken care of myself and the boys financailly. Funny that he has even batted an eye, and maybe I should learn from that, and not bat an eye when I go file.

Thank you GM - your advice in this area is truly appreciated. Take care.