Quote: "I see someone leaving a trainload of openings."
Now I see that with my WAW too - thank you. I guess if I have the strength, I can be "friends" with my WAW after our divorce.
kevinlost - keep detaching, giving her space and pray - I'll pray for you too.
Hud
Hud,
Something I don't understand but see repeated throughout the BB...why do you see a D as being the end of it all??
This has always puzzled me because I don't necessarily see a d that way. A d is the end to the current contract of marriage yes, but WHY is it the end of the R? Where does it say that once a d is final DB'ing becomes null and void and is no longer a necessity to practice?
If your W does divorce you does that mean you will instantly stop loving her? Will you wake up the next day and feel nothing just because a piece of paper was signed by a judge and notarized?
I have often wondered if a fence-sitting S follows through with a d because it is expected of them, if they dont think/feel that at some level they would be failing themselves by backing out on something they SWORE to you they were going to do? I've also wondered if an S that sees a d through isn't also just trying to dispose of what they perceive as a "failed" M in a physical form but in their heart HOPING to start a NEW M with the same person? If that were true then wouldn't DB'ing still be a course to continue rather then abandon?
Now I'm not saying this holds true for all WAS's out there...some do leave for good because that is the way they want it to be. I just think that those types are the EXCEPTION to the rule.
With that in mind...take a step back from your sitch and REALLY look at it. THINK about what you have done DB- wise and the results you have gotten. If you BELIEVE you have a "trainload of openings" being offered then what are they? Write them down. Compare them to your goals...did you meet some and not realize it, were they met in a way that you didnt EXPECT them to be met? If you are seeing baby-steps but your W still gets a d....well, thats ok too. IT DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN'T/WON'T CHANGE HER MIND LATER ON!!
My H once came home from one of his "late" nights and we laid on the bed and started talking. I offered no recriminations for his coming in 6hrs late...I just laid there and listened. He told me I know that if we were to split up I would want you back. It might not be right away but I know I would be beating down your door eventually. I would like to believe that if it ever came to that, that we have enough between us that you would forgive me and take me back into your life. I just can't imagine my life without you in it.
My H rebuffed that statement many times through later actions and angry words but I still held on to it. He spoke those words in a lucid moment and it came from his heart and I KNEW that. Those few words saw me through some hectic months and they kept me from walking when it would have been easy. They were enough to get me to resolve that even if my H did seek a d I would still not give up.
What is YOUR lucid moment...be it words or actions?
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
