New to this ...

[mrtwopointfour]

Hi Steve, I need to read your whole sitch before I comment too much, but what i have read so far looks to be very much like mine. My W accused me of being over controlling, un-affectionate, taking her for granted. The more the sitch pans out the more it also looks like she is going through a MLC. But at the same time the above points she made are still very valid and its good never to forget these.

I agree with what Spartan says above.

When I came here, I got the same advice, but carried on - thinking I was doing well one day, thinking the world was ending the next. Its only natural, and I think in a way you have to go through it for short time to realise you need to let go and look after yourself rather than letting your emotions and energy being controlled by you W's mood and actions. But as Spartan says above, be careful not to stay too long as it will exhaust you, and it will start to have a negative effect on your efforts to look after yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I am very much still there and detaching and distancing is the hardest part of this, it feels wrong in every way, and if you are like me (and probably most people here) you will think your circumstances don't really fit with the advice, and your way of doing things will work better! There is a little truth in this, the whole DBing thing needs tweaking to your own R/M, and that takes time to understand and get right - again I am still working on it. But the reason everybody on here is giving you advice, is they have been through it and know what doesn't work.

I think what I am trying to say is: switch off to what your W is doing, saying, & thinking. She will do it anyway, but if you switch off to it, look after yourself, it will not drag you down too. Its easy to get pulled back in when you W is happy and friendly. My W right now is the best she has been for a year, but at the same time she is due for a trip away with a 'friend', something I am switching off to. If I don't, it will consume my every thought and moment over the next week, which will in turn depress me, make me stressed, and make me no fun to be around any more (pretty much the person i was running up to BD) - why would my W want to be with that person?

Take a break for yourself, don't give up - think of some fun things to do, even if you don't get to do them , thinking about them takes your mind off of things.