More questions and confusion for this LBS

[Papa4Life]

You're right, BRNR, we all have to get there if we're to have the best chance of having a fulfiling life and the best possible chance of having our S be there to share it with us.

Negeil isn't quite there yet -- the gut is still overriding the head a bit -- but he'll get there. He's got a few people giving him good advice.

The one thing I would advise is, again, to accept that nothing that you can say will change how she feels. I learned that the hard way. My W, like all WAWs, worked from the standpoint that I was/am completely in the wrong, so not only was/is her natural inclination to disagree with anything I said/say, but by forcing her to defend the opposite position, so to speak, I reinforced those negative feelings even more. If I (being the fool that I am) said ILY to her, since everything I did was wrong up to that point, she would be forced to say I don't feel that way about you. AND it made her think more about how much she didn't L me back. Even if there was some lingering feeling, being forced to counter my claims helped those feelings of ILYBINILWY crystalize even more.

So, take it from a veteran backslider (in recovery now), words just don't work. Actions will. Words may be deceitful but deeds don't lie. Your road to possibly getting back into her heart is through her eyes, NOT her ears.

Good luck, Negril, I've got a lot of faith in you.