i usually play hockey in the winter. broke my shoulder tho, so i guess its pretty competitive..lol i can finally work out again and i am loving it! gets my frustration out in a healthy way. i find my center when i am physically testing myself. i havent enjoyed alot of things lately..im really into music and havent really been liking it lately. on sunday i was runnin my 3 miles and had my headphones in. this song by Atmosphere "tryin to find a balance" came on and it was wierd..i could feel the beat again.. like really feel it through my whole body if that makes sense. last mile and a half i flew...smiling.. mad my ab workout almost enjoyable..lol
i am also cynical and i dont like it. i am trying to be more open. i think its more of the group setting..idk..i have anxiety in groups when i have to talk. i used to be in bands and played sports in front of alot of people and that never bothered me. i think because they dont focus on me, they focus on what i am doing. i dont trust alot of people. i have always been on guard and figured the best defense was offense. i also was raised by the state corrections. from 13-20 off and on.. mostly on. that has some to do with it. more so is my embarrassment for who i have been in my life. there are some things i am not proud of.
you are right.. it is an internal decision. one that i am trying to make. it is harder than i would have thought..im a work in progress and today i am ok with that. i am ok with today.
