MLC by MIL death/daughter car accident/new job

[Live4myDay]

So he's leaving for 2 weeks to spend a trip in Europe with OW. He text me Happy Mothers Day. Told him thank you and to enjoy his trip and that its kinda sad because that's what we were supposed to do after the kids went off to college and we would have our second honeymoon. Told him I meant that not out of sarcasm or anger just out of dissapointment.

He then proceeds to tell me how if I wasn't such an arrogant ass that our D wouldn't have been in accident. ??

Anyway, it opened up a can of worms...from bad to worse. I keep telling my self is this going to help or further my self. It did neither. He's still in lala land justifing leaving...listing all the rewritten chapters of our life together.

Just hurts. Hurts to see this all play out. I'm really trying with the 180 and kept telling him I'm listening. Please tell me or explain. He said I was just accusing and blaming. He had to get out of the terribly bad relationship. that's how he saw it.

Hurts hurts hurts. It's not MLC he would have regrets or some sort of remorse. He is a WAS. He is so justified in his actions. And of course his OW has nothing to do with it. It was all about me and how horrible our 21 year marriage was.

I told him that I had plans when he comes to visit at the end of the month for his visit with our D. Said he's come more oftern but that its hard because I make it difficult and the money of course. But it's ok because he sees OW 1,000 miles away using her trip miles. Seriously! And doens't have to pay for anything.

Detatch!!! I know. So hard when it still hurts so bad that he says We don't love or respect each other and haven't for a long time. Really? I told him that's how he feels. Did you ever think how I really felt. and that he never spoke about our problems or fixing them or that we even had problems. He said he gave me several chances. Ones that I didn't know about. Then I try to think and listen. And ask him why didn't you ever tell me lets fix or work on and I love you we need to do this or that. He was silent.

I don't know how to proceed. Just detach and move on. In my heart of hearts I have always loved him...I have always thought deep down inside he still did too. Just so inammered by this OW.

I'll be doing a lot more reading tonight. Maybe I'll get some insight from someone. Maybe hope or maybe listen more to what God is telling me to do. This divorce just isn't right with the world. Why can't he see that? or am I so blind?