You said once that if you loved me enough you would want me to be happy. But i want you to just do what you want." And then I walked away ... she seemed slightly off when I said it.
Was that the reaction you were looking for?
Here's the thing Steve, none of that is going to work the way you hoped. B/c you're still hoping upon hope that something you say will cause her to feel what she once felt for you. Just a little feeling to stir in her heart to remind her, right?
Here's what I see with a lot of couples in this type of stitch. The LBH is trying to say different things, hoping he will stumble on the magical statement that will cause her to turn back to him. At some point, they may have a day or two that they are civil to each other. But what happens is totally different from each other's goals. He sees her being a nice for a few days and starts hoping she's coming around. The WAW, however, thinks he is being nicer and that's the time to ask him the hard questions.....like "how do you want to divide things"? B/c he has one goal in mind (save the M) while she has another goal in her mind (get out of the M).
When we say it takes lots & lots of time, that's just what we mean. I wish it would change in a few days, and the possibility is always there, but unlikely. It just doesn't usually happen the way you are hoping it will.
When you finally accept the fact that your talks are not going to change her heart, then you will begin to see past your own fog to realize it takes time for her to see consistent changes in you. She isn't going to believe in any of your actions for a while, b/c she thinks you're just doing it to bribe her or impress her to stay.
That's why we tell the LBS to work on themselves.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
