[in_it]

Right now I honestly have no plan. I'm going to try to take a couple of days to calm down. I definitely need a clear head & right now I do not have it.

I know I need to start planning. I'm pretty sure I will have two daycare options.

Work is going to be a tough one. I have no idea how they are going to take it. I'm certain at this point I will need at least the full 12 weeks for leave & if I do have to go on bed rest I will need more. I'm pretty sure my dr isn't going to budge on the bed rest. He firmly told me that he puts his patients with multiples on bed rest at 28 weeks. That will eat up most of my 12 week leave. I originally was going to wait as long as I could to tell work. Now it looks like I may have to let them know sooner. Plus, I'm assuming with twins I'll be showing soon.

As soon as I find out the gender I will probably start looking at sales & consignment stores for deals on clothes & items needed. I have nothing.

Maybe I will move my girls into the same room & have them share? There is so much to think about. Daycare is costly for a newborn. Now I'm going to have two!

My daughters will be delighted. I'm not real sure how they'll react if H is cold towards me &/if he leaves. It will be very hard for them. They are both emotional & sweet. D7 can already sense something is going on between us. She even tried to get H & I to hug the other day.

I guess I'm going to have to start telling people. Our family, close friends? Do I discuss this with H, or just let people know? First I have to tell H. I don't even know if I can do that. I can imagine his reaction already.

Of course this makes my mind go crazy once again. I had been doing so good for the last couple of days. Maybe this will be what actually makes him leave? One thing I can't quit imagining is if H leaves is picturing myself in a tiny apartment with 4 kids & no space. I know I can do this, but right now it seems impossible.