Oh, and I have 4 friends who recently had twins. Yes. This is why I was so freaked out. It's all around me. Only one had to go on bed rest. My one friend is an ER nurse and worked until 34 weeks on her feet 12 hours.
Right now, you are not on bed rest. Keep repeating. Right now...
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
This will probably come across as harsh. Please understand that is not my intention.
I was told today that I have this huge, dig in, in the middle of the mess and get things done attitued, instead of waiting for the dust to settle first and that is very true...
So...
What is your PLAN?
I don't really think it should be that different than if you were having one baby so...
Your H is leaving...(he says) You are pregnant...
You have to prepare for these babies, regardless of whether your H is around or not...
So I propose a game of sorts...
What are you doing to get ready for these babies?
Clothes, stuff, getting the girls ready, daycare, work, the list goes on...
Time to get working init...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
My dr puts his patients having multiples on bed rest at 28 weeks.
Switch doctors, I know you're probably not going to do that but it's an option. That's pretty old school, not dangerous but old school. You could also negotiate with him/her week by week.
Give yourself time to think about this, it's a huge change in your plans.
Cat04, I have no idea what your 3rd sentence^^ says. Was that deliberate?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Right now I honestly have no plan. I'm going to try to take a couple of days to calm down. I definitely need a clear head & right now I do not have it.
I know I need to start planning. I'm pretty sure I will have two daycare options.
Work is going to be a tough one. I have no idea how they are going to take it. I'm certain at this point I will need at least the full 12 weeks for leave & if I do have to go on bed rest I will need more. I'm pretty sure my dr isn't going to budge on the bed rest. He firmly told me that he puts his patients with multiples on bed rest at 28 weeks. That will eat up most of my 12 week leave. I originally was going to wait as long as I could to tell work. Now it looks like I may have to let them know sooner. Plus, I'm assuming with twins I'll be showing soon.
As soon as I find out the gender I will probably start looking at sales & consignment stores for deals on clothes & items needed. I have nothing.
Maybe I will move my girls into the same room & have them share? There is so much to think about. Daycare is costly for a newborn. Now I'm going to have two!
My daughters will be delighted. I'm not real sure how they'll react if H is cold towards me &/if he leaves. It will be very hard for them. They are both emotional & sweet. D7 can already sense something is going on between us. She even tried to get H & I to hug the other day.
I guess I'm going to have to start telling people. Our family, close friends? Do I discuss this with H, or just let people know? First I have to tell H. I don't even know if I can do that. I can imagine his reaction already.
Of course this makes my mind go crazy once again. I had been doing so good for the last couple of days. Maybe this will be what actually makes him leave? One thing I can't quit imagining is if H leaves is picturing myself in a tiny apartment with 4 kids & no space. I know I can do this, but right now it seems impossible.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Bug-my dr is old school. I think I will start asking him more about it at each appt for the next few & see what pans out. I go back next week for more blood work & I'll start then.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
in_it..congratulations on the news. It is is joyous news no matter what. :-)
I think you need to tell H first. Don't worry about his reaction.
Then maybe just take some time for yourself to sit on it while you figure out a few plans...don't go straight to the H leaving scenario.What matters is you and your children and babies. Think about how you would like things to be regardless of H. Don't worry about other people...etc. This is your time now, your future. We can stay stuck when we think about others and forget what it is we need to continue moving forward. What do YOU want to do?
We are all here for you. xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
No he hasn't ever been violent. I do think that a third party would make it worse.
Right now, I'm just trying to figure out when to tell him. I don't even know how to word it. I may have to sit on it for a few days to get my emotional strength up & ready for whatever the reaction may be.
I think he may be out of town next week. Would it be bad if I waited until he was gone or right before he left for the week?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Right now I honestly have no plan. I'm going to try to take a couple of days to calm down. I definitely need a clear head & right now I do not have it.
Good. Just let this all sink in. Try not to spin and figure everything out at once.
Originally Posted By: in_it
I know I need to start planning. I'm pretty sure I will have two daycare options. [quote]
God, I hear you. Daycare is crazy expensive!!! Give it a little time to settle down before you start planning these things. I know I have a tendency to spin on money and such to take my mind off of things. Then I just go crazy with that stuff.
[quote=in_it] Work is going to be a tough one. I have no idea how they are going to take it. I'm certain at this point I will need at least the full 12 weeks for leave & if I do have to go on bed rest I will need more. I'm pretty sure my dr isn't going to budge on the bed rest. He firmly told me that he puts his patients with multiples on bed rest at 28 weeks. That will eat up most of my 12 week leave. I originally was going to wait as long as I could to tell work. Now it looks like I may have to let them know sooner. Plus, I'm assuming with twins I'll be showing soon.
I waited a long time to tell my work. I was like 16 weeks along. I would really look into finding another Dr. That just seems so silly to not take each pregnancy case by case. My guess is that he would have a heart attack if you were...say 27 weeks and just ran in a 10k race? I did just that saturday with my Dr's full blessing. I am teaching a bootcamp class tonight complete with hill sprints. Pregnancy is not some super delicate time. Our bodies are made for this!! End rant.
Originally Posted By: in_it
As soon as I find out the gender I will probably start looking at sales & consignment stores for deals on clothes & items needed. I have nothing.
Have fun with this stuff!!! Don't let the crappy circumstances ruin the fun stuff. I still have all my S4 baby clothes, but went garage saleing this weekend for bedding. Looking on craigslist.
Originally Posted By: in_it
My daughters will be delighted. I'm not real sure how they'll react if H is cold towards me &/if he leaves. It will be very hard for them. They are both emotional & sweet. D7 can already sense something is going on between us. She even tried to get H & I to hug the other day.
Just focus on your girls and the babies. H will do what he does. I just take each thing as it comes. When my S4 sobs because he misses Daddy, I hold him. I tell him I love him. We go paint a picture. We laugh. We snuggle. It's the new normal. Kids know stuff is up. I don't lie to my kids. If I'm crying and they catch me, I say I miss Daddy just like they do.
Originally Posted By: in_it
I guess I'm going to have to start telling people. Our family, close friends? Do I discuss this with H, or just let people know? First I have to tell H. I don't even know if I can do that. I can imagine his reaction already.
You don't need to do anything right now. Heck, all of my aunts and uncles had no idea I was even pregnant until last month. Some don't even know H and I are separated. And we are super close. You don't have to do anything now. You don't even have to tell your H. When I realized I was late, I didn't even say a thing to H for days. Totally not normal, but the guy had just told me he was cheating on me. I needed to get clear with what I would do before I told him. My choice. Not his. Wasn't my choice for him to cheat. It's also your choice to tell whomever you need to. Not his.
Originally Posted By: in_it
Of course this makes my mind go crazy once again. I had been doing so good for the last couple of days. Maybe this will be what actually makes him leave? One thing I can't quit imagining is if H leaves is picturing myself in a tiny apartment with 4 kids & no space. I know I can do this, but right now it seems impossible.
Oh man, I feel you. You can't control what makes him leave. And really, if you being pregnant with twins makes him leave...do you want someone who would do that? And, doesn't mean he's never coming back. I go there all the time. 3 kids in a tiny apartment or living back with my parents...then I take a deep breath. I'm in my home today. Each day I wake up there I smile. I sit on the back porch and drink my coffeee. I try to enjoy today, because I have no idea what is in store for me tomorrow.
You can do all of this. You can.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
