Pay a couple hundred bucks and have the house appraised, then you can let all that go. You're making a lot of assumptions, why even do that until you know what's what. A real estate agent isn't an appraiser and even tho the agent may be close, you can't know until you find out.
You don't have to pay for an appraisal, but it might save you some gray hairs and your blood pressure.
So sell the house and then you can split the proceeds and neither of you be in debt. Yes, I know you can't sell so what's she to do? I'm really interested to hear your take on this.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
That's the complicated part. I am not able to sell the house. On the other hand I cannot afford to write her a big fat check either. That puts me in a really rough place, her too. So, surely one of us is going to have some hardship that is usually not an issue in a typical divorce. I don't know how to handle it. I know what is fair, but I also know what I am able to do financially without hindering my own future.
You're not going to like this so take a big breath and then let it go... I know what is fair, but I also know what I am able to do financially without hindering my own future. D Court addresses the finances of both parties and will try to strike a balance from what's in the marital pot. Whether or not that hurts your future won't be a factor. Whether of not it hurts your W's future won't be a factor. It's not about the future, it's about the right now.
What's she's asking for now and what she'll actually get may be 2 very different things. You're stressing about things that haven't happened yet, this is a pattern with you.
One more little thing, which if you can control might make a huge difference in your outlook. There is a hint ofmy W wants out of the marriage so everything she did during the marriage is now worthless and I should get whatever I want. Before you jump into defensive mode, just think about this for 24-48 hours. I think we all start out there, there's no shame in it, it's just not the truth.
I doubt that your W woke up one day and thought, "Today begins my plan to screw-over SP!" This has been difficult for her, too. She loves your daughter and knows that life as she's known it is about to change in a very big way. For whatever reason this is the choice your wife felt she had to make. But that doesn't negate the fact that the 2 of you were equal partners for several years. If you now feel that you weren't, this isn't the time to address that.
I know her decision is causing you hurt.
Try not to be one of those hurting people who hurts other people. It's a vicious cycle.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I totally understand what you're saying, but here is my outlook on the situation. Wife and I have been equal partners since we got together 12 years ago. Everything WE have done together is ours to share, split, throw away, whatever. The problem is, many of the things we have were gifts, favors or forms of financial support provided by 3rd parties, namely my parents. The house for instance. It is sitting on property that does not belong to us. Not 2 cents of if belongs to us, it never has. However, my Mother (Dad passed away 6 years ago) has promised it to us in her inheritence. She has told us that some day this property will be ours. Eventually, the business, property and all of the assets will be passed down. That's a very nice thing, and I am extremely fortunate that my parents were willing and able to pass this good fortune along to my siblings and I. I definitely feel blessed in that regard. But the fact of the matter is, Wife and I don't own that piece of property today. For obvious reasons, I am pretty sure my Mother will be changing her will, probably already has. I have no control over that, and to be honest I would totally agree with her removing an EX-daughter in law from her will. Regardless, my Wife feels that the property is ours and that it should be considered during our divorce, because "someday" I will own it. She feels the same way about the house, even though she hasn't put 2 red cents into making a payment or upkeep on it for well over 9 months. In a normal situation, this house would have already been under foreclosure proceedings. My Mother has been able to help me with wifes portion of the payment for some time. For all intents and purposes, my Mother has been providing housing and utilities for my wife since the very day she decided to abandone our household. I haven't. I can't even afford to pay the bills she left me behind with. To me it seems assinine that wife has a sense of entitlement to things SHE and I are not providing for ourselves. She feels entitled to a portion of my LLC shares, which were gifted (to me personally by the way). Wife and I didn't build this business. It was established and flourishing before wife was even born. Why SHOULD she be entitled to a portion of it? She was paid for every minute worth of effort she put in here. Why should she be entitled to anything that she and I didn't grow together. For the most part, she and I lived paycheck to paycheck. All of the nice things we had in life were gifted to us, even the house was funded in a good part by my parents. Sure, I understand they were gifts and she is indeed entitled to THOSE things....but W sure wants to reap the rewards of all those gifts and favors, and she wishes to assume no accountability to me personally for my financial obligations. She feels, "my family can afford it", so therefore I can afford it. She expects my family to keep paying for it and split whatever profits are left with her. Man, I sure wish I could find a business partner that would play the same role...haha. It just isn't right. My attorney feels that the courts will also look at it in this way. Her expectations are not realisitc given OUR personal finances. I am not being greedy, vindictive or unrealsic. I am simply looking at the true honest facts. Wife and I made a meager living. We were fortunate to have my families support. Wife was fortunate to be included in that while we were together. Now, we are no longer together and more than likely things are going to change. It is what it is.
I should add that I am not discussing this or venting this anywhere but here. I am truly weighing my options and trying to be as fair as I can given the circumstances. I just forked out another 50 bucks to wife today so we can continue daughters Girl Scouting. I took daughter for a dentist checkup that wife said she couldn't afford to split. On the flip side of that, I probably will be short on my bills this month. I will have to borrow AGAIN. Wife on the other hand is making plans for a trip to Vegas with girlfriends. I feel the days of her "difficult decision" to split up our family are long gone. She is OVER IT and moving on. No regrets there anymore.
And this is a more detailed and/or different account of the house situation than you've given before. I don't remember anything about a will before. It seems very complicated and messy, and probably best for an attorney to figure out because the question is probably going to come down to who knew what and when did they know it. Do you have a written agreement with the corp for use of the land or pay nominal lease payments? And if it's part of the corp, can your mother will that portion to you?
But if your version is the true and only version, and your W knew that, you might have nothing to worry about.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Wait...why is my 24hr timeframe up? I haven't done anyting. I was just discussing it outloud...haha
I think that voice comes from my wife! It is almost like she feels she is divorcing my FAMILY BUSINESS, like she is owed something from that. I honestly do not get it.
The property we built on is not leased, nor is there any written agreement regarding the use of the property. We do not pay the property tax. The business does. That is one of the reasons the BANK wanted the house wrapped into the business loan when we refinanced. Technically, land ownership shows structure ownership. Basically if a building is on a piece of land, whoever owns the land typically owns the building. It was actually more complicated before. It is now consolidated into one full entity which makes very obvious sense. The business now owns a house, loacted on a portion of its own property and it is intended for business use. The house was originally permitted through the city, not as a residential single family home, but rather a "managers dwelling". It is not even located in an area zoned for residential use. It's commercial property
Wife is NOT happy about the refinancing today. 3 years ago our monthly payment dropped 200 bucks a month, she was exstatic. The decision to refinance had nothing to do with our deteriorating marriage. In much the contrary. We rolled everything together several years ago when things were seemingly peachy keen between us. It was simply a good business decision at the time.
In regards to the will, it is my mothers will. She is of clear mind and has the ability to change it whenever she wishes, just like we all do. Wife isn't entitled to any inheritence unless my Mother decides to pass it on to her. That is plain and simple. The property was promised to us as a family...by my Mother. We are no longer going to be husband and wife, so my Mother is obviously having a change of heart. makes perfect sense to me. To wife she feels our family is "cheating" her and manipulating the situation. There isn't any manipulation, its just obvious reaction to the situation. Why on Earth would my Mother choose to pass on a portion of her business and property to an EX-daugher in law? Wife cannot get her head wrapped around that. Therefore, wife feels she should be entitled to the 40k+ settlement she presented to me. If I can't afford, my family surely can. That is her mindset, and I get it. She feels that her financial security and everything she became accustomed to is being snatched away, but that is not the reality. She is experiencing a "consequence". I'm not making it happen, and I am surely not going to cut my own throat financially to apease her. No real way to explain it otherwise. It [censored]. It really [censored].
My Mom is the sole owner of the property. The business is split with my Mom owning 55% of the shares and the remainder shared between my siblings amd myself. I hope that clears up an confusion about our sitch. I know it's extremely muddy.
It is written in my Moms will that my brother, my two sisters and I will share full ownership of the property upon her demise. Her remaining shares of the business will be split between my borther and I alone, giving us equal say in the operation of the business. The remaining shares will stay with our sisters. Originally, my wife was included in all of this, as my Mom considered her an intregal part of the family. That has obviously changed. I hate talking about it...ugh....but that is the straight skinny. Wife has been clear on the entire thing since the beginning.
The property we built on is not leased, nor is there any written agreement regarding the use of the property. We do not pay the property tax. The business does. That is one of the reasons the BANK wanted the house wrapped into the business loan when we refinanced. Technically, land ownership shows structure ownership. Basically if a building is on a piece of land, whoever owns the land typically owns the building.
I think I mentioned this before in your thread, but I'm not sure why you're getting hung up on the value (or lack thereof) of the house. The house is an asset of the business. You're a part owner of the business, and by extension, so is your W. And the value of the business is mainly in current and future income, the material holdings are usually just a small factor. So what the court is going to be looking at (if the two of you can't come to an agreement) is not the home value, it is the value of the entire business (as determined by a 3rd party) and what fraction of that is due your W. Now this is the part where you say "oh but the business barely breaks even", well yeah, so does most every business including the company I work for. It has no material holdings and breaks even because the profits are paid out to the employees, yet the value of this small company is over a million dollars. If you and your relatives are living off of income generated by the business, then the business has value, and you might be surprised to find out how much value it will be assigned.
