snodderly, Thank you for your kind words... they mean a lot...... yes I will start a new thread.. I figured I was getting up there since I am on page 12...
Oh yes she has been dreading the the big 40 ever since she turned 39... and the last month it's all she has been talking about.. being 40.. how she just wants to crawl into a hole and not even celebrate it..
I am having trouble being nice to her when I know she is still running to him. But I know from reading what others have posted on here it's a common thing. It's just what they do.
She has been saying a lot of the typical MLC sayings... the confusion.. the feeling of being lost.... only feeling like half herself... I'm finally starting to learn how to listen to her.. and try to make it all about her. I myself feel extremely alone in my journey.... to my family and friends they think I am crazy if I show her any sort of sympathy or compassion. Before the BD they all loved her and thought she was an amazing person... but because of her actions then, and now they feel she should be dead and gone to me.. If it wasn't for this board I would probably be feeling the same way. But recently I can see my old W... only get a glimpse.....but I know she is in there.. I just hope she finds her way out.... and that I am still here to welcome her back..
I know my journey is still very new and have a long ways to go before she comes out of this.. if ever. Thanks again for all your help..
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Yes Cadet...A new thread does bring new changes... Yesterday was my W 40th B-day.. a big milestone for both of us... I didn't really hear from her, I did wish her well and a happy mothers day.. she of course said thank you asked how I was.. but it's like we are distant friends.. again so long as I don't bring anything up or ask her anything then it stays peaceful ... So that's what I do.. knowing that one day we may be able to talk about our R... but it won't be today.. or anytime soon... and that's ok. I have time and in no rush.
Because it was an emotional weekend for me.. not being able to celebrate her 40th with her. I spent a lot of the weekend reading old post on here.. trying to find some answers and direction of where to take my life next... The answers I came up with is this....... I can take my life anywhere and any direction I want it to go now... I have read enough now to realize that I have to get out of the way... Out of my W's life...at least for now.... The sooner I do that the better it is for both of us.. I want what is best for her and me...and that is to let her go on her journey... to find her way.. whatever that may be... I have been thru therapy....I have and will continue to read post on this site daily.. (this site has been my biggest lifesaver) I have a great job.. I am in the best shape of my life. I am starting to enjoy my alone time for the first time since she left. Although I do miss her soo much... she needs to be on her own and I pray one day we will get a chance at this again. And if we don't then I had 9 GREAT years with a woman I loved more than anything... and I can honestly say that I was truly in love at some point in my life... and not everyone can say that. I will always love my W, and I know somewhere inside of her she will always love me.
So I am going to take the next month and really focus on building myself up.. making myself stronger for the next stage of my life.. wheather it's dating... or dealing with my W and the roller coaster she will take me on. or both I am sure. As I read somewhere on here.. I am going to move forward with keeping one hand back.. if she chooses to take it then it's there for her... if not I will use it to steer my way thru life.. never forgetting my past.
Do I have one final conversation with her.. letting her know I love her and I am always there for her? or do I just move on in silence.. not telling her what I am going to do? I think telling her might just scare her away even more???
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
I "think" we are supposed to move on in silence...not sure.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I can take my life anywhere and any direction I want it to go now... I have read enough now to realize that I have to get out of the way... Out of my W's life...at least for now.... The sooner I do that the better it is for both of us.. I want what is best for her and me...and that is to let her go on her journey... to find her way.. whatever that may be...
Hey N72- Been keeping up with your sitch just not much to offer really. I have to say, this is where^^^^^ I am in my sitch too. For me, this realization is what is/was needed for me to move forward. Trust me, it is tough, but the more I do the better I feel.
Do you have one final conversation?...IMO I would say no, you are not going to say anything she hasn't heard already or even wants to hear right now. Show in action and she will get the message. I would like to beleive that if our S have anything to say or want to know, that at some point they will ask or tell. Just My two cents.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I "think" we are supposed to move on in silence...not sure.
made you cry in a good way or bad? Do you feel like I am giving up to soon? I think every ones sitch is different.. in my case I fall into the category where my W and I don't have kids together.. (each have our own from previous relationships)...and she has moved out.. she has the new younger man and although she says she's not happy and feels lost at times... she is also in deep replay mode right now... and from what I read over and over from the vets.. when your MLCer is like that, it's best to step aside and let them do what they need to do.. it's way to painful to watch for someone I love so much and can't help. So I am doing what is best for me and her by letting go but not giving up the chance of what the future could hold. God has a plan.. so I am going to leave it to him.. and continue to pray for him to guide me while making myself stronger as a person and a father,....
Thanks for the advice... I won't say anything to her.. She knows already how much I love her.. I just haven't been able to say it to her for the past 5 months.. but she knows..
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
[quote] Trust me, it is tough, but the more I do the better I feel.
it is tough.. but it's the only way... TIME is your friend.. take as much as you need.. the more you take the more it will heal you..
Originally Posted By: BRNR
[quote]D Show in action and she will get the message.
I don't know how to show her in action other than to lovely let her go... by giving her the space she needs is all I can do.. and at least she knows that he last several months I have been nothing but nice to her. hopefully that is what she will remember. I am sure she will. Thanks for keeping up with my sitch. I will come over and get caught up on yours now..
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Negril, I cried because you are hurting. I cried because I feel for you, I feel your pain. I feel like you do. I think we just need to put our situations on a a shelf for a while and get through this in any safe/positive way we can.
Space and patience, so they say. Tough and challenging at the best of times! But, for a GREAT cause...right?
Having a challenging day myself...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Space and patience, so they say. Tough and challenging at the best of times! But, for a GREAT cause...right?
love this quote^^^^^...it is for a great cause..:)
Yes I am hurting.. but aren't we all on here.. I am sure some are more than me that's for sure.. I remember when everything first went down.. I never thought would get thru it.. so I can only imagine that in a few more months I will be doing even better..
Why is today a challenging day for you?
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Do I have one final conversation with her.. letting her know I love her and I am always there for her? or do I just move on in silence.. not telling her what I am going to do? I think telling her might just scare her away even more???
I understand the feeling of wanting to say something but at this point I would not say anything, IMO.
Show her with your actions. They will speak a lot louder than any words you could ever say.
