Yes Cadet...A new thread does bring new changes... Yesterday was my W 40th B-day.. a big milestone for both of us... I didn't really hear from her, I did wish her well and a happy mothers day.. she of course said thank you asked how I was.. but it's like we are distant friends.. again so long as I don't bring anything up or ask her anything then it stays peaceful ... So that's what I do.. knowing that one day we may be able to talk about our R... but it won't be today.. or anytime soon... and that's ok. I have time and in no rush.
Because it was an emotional weekend for me.. not being able to celebrate her 40th with her. I spent a lot of the weekend reading old post on here.. trying to find some answers and direction of where to take my life next... The answers I came up with is this....... I can take my life anywhere and any direction I want it to go now... I have read enough now to realize that I have to get out of the way... Out of my W's life...at least for now.... The sooner I do that the better it is for both of us.. I want what is best for her and me...and that is to let her go on her journey... to find her way.. whatever that may be... I have been thru therapy....I have and will continue to read post on this site daily.. (this site has been my biggest lifesaver) I have a great job.. I am in the best shape of my life. I am starting to enjoy my alone time for the first time since she left. Although I do miss her soo much... she needs to be on her own and I pray one day we will get a chance at this again. And if we don't then I had 9 GREAT years with a woman I loved more than anything... and I can honestly say that I was truly in love at some point in my life... and not everyone can say that. I will always love my W, and I know somewhere inside of her she will always love me.
So I am going to take the next month and really focus on building myself up.. making myself stronger for the next stage of my life.. wheather it's dating... or dealing with my W and the roller coaster she will take me on. or both I am sure. As I read somewhere on here.. I am going to move forward with keeping one hand back.. if she chooses to take it then it's there for her... if not I will use it to steer my way thru life.. never forgetting my past.
Do I have one final conversation with her.. letting her know I love her and I am always there for her? or do I just move on in silence.. not telling her what I am going to do? I think telling her might just scare her away even more???
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
