I read a comment on this forum a while back - think may have been from AS (apologies if not) and it was stated that generally, at some point the WAS usually wants to return - but often so much time has gone by the LBS has moved on. Do people think this is true? I'm just very curious...
I seem to be in a rut at the moment. Like I've taken a few steps back and just missing my Wife and family so much. Also can't seem to stop thinking about W with OM - it's just so painful...
Have plenty of GAL organised so hopefully that will help.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
I don't know who posted it, but I for one certainly hope that it's true that the WAW will want to come back.
I wonder sometimes myself if I'm moving too far away from W to ever want to R, although W has proceeded so quickly that I find it very difficult to believe that would ever happen.
I suppose there comes a point where we'll have been reconciled to the idea that we have no other choice than to accept the D that we almost reach the same mindset as the WAs did when they dropped the bomb.
Maybe that's a good thing because it gives us the confidence to say that we won't take them back unconditionally because we don't want to return to the same old sitch either!
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
Perhaps you're right Papa... I feel the same as you - my W rushed through things at such a fast pace - I see her for about 1 minute oncer per week these days so it's very hard to imagine how we'd even have a possibility to reconcile.
Be strong I guess and take every day as it comes. I can't see anything positive happening to my personal sitch until if/when her relationship with OM ends - which looks very unlikely at this point in time...
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
I read a comment on this forum a while back - think may have been from AS (apologies if not) and it was stated that generally, at some point the WAS usually wants to return - but often so much time has gone by the LBS has moved on. Do people think this is true? I'm just very curious...
I have said that before, but there are no absolutes in this. I have 4 examples in my friends/ family- my mom was a WAH and tried to return after several months but my dad had moved on by then and they didn't reconcile. My step dad had a WAW who tried to return after 2 years, but he too had moved on. A good buddy of mine had a WAW who he barely spoke to for a year after S, then they started talking again, then dating and ML. It's been 2 years now and they're dating and getting along great although still S. And the last example had the opposite result- my brother divorced 5 years ago, his W quickly moved in with OM and remains with him to this day. She never once looked back at my brother.
Granted this is just a miniscule sample of all the WAS's out there, but I've read a lot of stories here in which the exact same thing happened- a WAS tried to return well after the LBS had moved on with their life. How often it happens is anyone's guess.
Some days I feel there is real hope not just because I'm a better, different person but also because - perhaps naively - I've always felt that there will always be a pull because of her son.
Having said that other days I feel there is no hope and wonder if she perhaps really has met her soul mate in the OM.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Some days I feel there is real hope not just because I'm a better, different person but also because - perhaps naively - I've always felt that there will always be a pull because of her son.
MMSLP talks about how the LBS has a leg-up on everyone else because they've already attracted the WAS once, so clearly there is something there already- chemical attraction or whatever. And children definitely factor in as well, in fact in DR Michele says there's no such thing as divorce when children are involved because the spouses' lives will be forever intertwined. So I don't think that's a naive thought at all. But as we all know far too well, there is nothing logical about how a WAS thinks or operates.
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Having said that other days I feel there is no hope and wonder if she perhaps really has met her soul mate in the OM.
Soul mate is a hollywood fabrication, there's no such thing. ANY relationship takes work to maintain, whether it be husband-wife, parent-child, worker-coworker, etc. Most WAS's leave without putting much (if any) effort into saving the M. They carry that right into their next R as well. That's why so many second marriages and affairs fail.
I do feel like I'm making, and have made an awful lot of progress. I am already a better and different person to the one she left. I can honestly say my relationship with our Son has never been better.
Yes, of course I want to do all of this for me - but equally I was hoping I may see some progress within my sitch - but as of yet, nothing.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
