I am working on me but if she doesn't change I don't want to be in this marriage either. What I have found through all this is that I actually like myself. I have hated myself all my life. (That is something I hid from her while we were dating.) The men I have brought into my life, hobbies/outings I'm into, the ministry projects I take on, and my faith have really brought on great changes.
We have daughters going into Kindergarten and first grade. As a child of divorce myself, I want to be able to look at them and confidently say I tried everything. I am working on the things I can change: who I am, how I am, the parent I am. Unfortunately she wants nothing to do with me[1], so I can't do much about the husband I am.
Here is the point. I can change me, and I want to. But I've not been happy in our marriage either. I don't want another 10 years of disrespect, manipulation, rejection, and loneliness either. If she doesn't change, I want out. I don't believe in divorce, but she has served me with papers. This may be my best opportunity to get out.
So, I am just starting chapter 1 but I want to know in advance if there is any, "the other spouse changes too" part. I want us to both be the people we should have been from the beginning if we hadn't gotten married as clueless 23 year olds.
[1] We are still in the same home. She is still in our bed, but most nights I sleep on the couch, with our children, or occasionally away. The bed is just so depressing and lonely that I don't want to be there.
