OK, so you let your H know your wishes regarding how / where you receive the papers. Even though you have not received them yet, do not bring it up to him. And while you may hope that maybe he won't send them to you, which IS a possibility, don't expect that you won't receive the papers. Do your best to just let that go, for now. Deal with it if / when it happens.
It may certainly feel like the sitch can't turn around, and again, there is the very real possibility that eventually you will be D.
Continue to move yourself forward as best you can. It isn't easy, but it will get better. And there may not be a fairy tale ending, but there is always the chance that you could R.
