M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Well, W brought up leaving today. Says we need to split our finances. Says she wants to wait until very close to move out day to tell kids and family. I have a really hard time not acting bitter during theses conversations. It just pi$$es me off soooo much. She said (again) that as soon as she moves out then she is filing. How can I not show emotion during a conversation like that? W says, "you act like this is new news. Nothing I have said today is different than I have said for the past few weeks." But yet it's suppose to hurt less?
I can't stand looking at her right now. It absolutely breaks my heart. Hurt turns to anger so easily.
Well lets see how the next two hours go. All four of us are suppose to go out to eat for Mother's Day. Yippee!!!!!
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Keep strong Grizz. She says that she'll file immediately but it could just be talk.
Every now and then I have feelings of anger for my wife. Mostly because, in my mind, she didn't try very hard to bring up the issues she was having in our marriage. I feel like I didn't get a chance to correct the issues that I had control over.
BTW, my area is considered south central KY. I'm in Bowling Green. I like it here a lot.
KY WAS club member #2
Me:38, Wife:36 M:8 T:13 No kids Bomb:3/10/13 W moved out:3/30/13 Started D paperwork: 10/14/13 D final: 12/30/13 To a future of love and happiness...
Thanks JRG. I am actually in Lexington. Not too far of a drive.
Dinner was OK. Not much talking. W was reading something at the table and I was watching TV. I did hear what she read but I didn't have any comment on it. W didn't think I was paying attention. She rolled her eyes, shook her head then got teary eyed and covered her face.
I really admire you guys on here that can project PMA around your spouse in tough times. I absolutely am a failure at this when W discusses D and moving out. It sends me into a tailspin every time even though it is not a new topic.
I have really complained and whined alot on here over the past week. It has been a really tough week to say the least. As the move out day approaches I feel like I am going through BD again. Terrible emotions, more crying this past week in forever (I HATE that), fear, anger, hurt, sadness, jealousy ( may not be the right word so lets just use hurt and anger again).
I just don't want to be here right now but I have no where to go and my kids miss me dearly at bedtime if I am not around. Which absolutely breaks my heart to think about that and what it is going to be like next month when they are gone.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
OK. Here come the 2x4's. I am thinking very seriously about giving this letter to W. I have never really told her my thoughts. Even after BD, I didn't really get into the begging and pleading. Looking back, I must have been as confusing to her as she was to me. I have not been the same person since BD and this letter states that. Among many other things. So here goes:
W, I am not sure how to even begin. I guess to say that I am sorry. Sorry for the hurt that you have experienced. Sorry for the decisions that you have had to make. Sorry for not living up to what I should have been. I have had so much to say to you over the past several months but I have not mentioned anything because I knew that you probably didn’t want to hear it. Well, how can it get any worse than where we are right now?
I love you. I haven’t said that in a long time. I haven’t said it because I thought that you didn’t want to hear it. I am sure you know this but I just needed to tell you. I stopped kissing you goodbye for the same reason. My feelings for you have never changed only my actions. I can’t describe to you or to anyone the hurt that I feel being where we are. You were and are my life.
I have tried to listen carefully to what you have said over the past several months about why your feelings have changed. I don’t know why I am a jealous person. Which leads to the controlling behavior that you mentioned. I have always lived with a fear of losing you. Definitely an irrational fear but a fear nonetheless.
I cannot/could not comprehend you needing space. I took it personally. It hurt. That hurt was projected as fear and anger. When I get angry I shut down. I bury it and hope, after a while, the hurt goes away and then I come back. When you said you needed a break from “everything” that scared me. From that point forward, I didn’t know how to act. Every word, every action that I made I thought about it in my head. I thought how you would respond. I tried to read your every emotion and read your mind as to your feelings. I have walked on eggshells for a long time not knowing how to act. Which has led to me not being me.
I absolutely hate where we are. Neither one of us wanted or expected to be here. You are leaving in a few weeks. You know that I would prefer you to stay and work on us. However, if you feel like the only way that you will find happiness is to leave, then I understand. I hope you find what you are looking for. I love you.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Grizz, while I agree about writing that type of message to the W, I would do it in a moment's notice as well, I have to admit and will probably be backed up by all the others, don't send it.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
